Katherine Arnold Wolf Updates

I could just cry with joy! I’m so happy to tell you that Trader Joe’s is coming to Athens, Ga!!! Yes, my precious hometown will have this wonderful, healthy, delicious and cheap grocery store starting 3 weeks before Thanksgiving. It will be behind Zaxby’s on Epps Bridge Rd. (extremely close to my house!). I am so, so excited about this. It’s gonna be great – SOOO convenient.

Trader Joe’s is like Whole Foods/EarthFare but way cheaper and more fun. I’m going to share on here what all I buy there and why I love it so much (at some point). And many recipes! Athenians, I really want this place to stay in business, so I encourage you to shop there like crazy!

While what happened to me was not preventable, I think it would have been almost unbearable sadness for me if it would have been. Prevention seems to be one of my ‘theme-songs’ to come from the stroke. Health is more important to me than ever. I was into health/wellness before my stroke, but it feels much more real now. I want to encourage people to wear seat belts, helmets of all kinds, exercise, eat healthy, take precautions, develop good nutrition and take good supplements etc.

My love for Trader Joe’s only furthers my stance. You can get great, healthy food there, and feel good about what you are eating. There are not chemicals or preservatives in the food. Above all, the stuff is really yummy! You will love it if you’ve never been there!

Speaking of yummy, I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who brought me cake/cupcakes while I was in Montgomery. Angie Stewart, I loved your pound cake! Sandra McGhar, that almond/wedding cake was divine (everyone should use Cake Designs for their wedding)! Patti Roper and Kathy Cooper, the Nancy Patterson Strawberry Cakes were delicious! Elizabeth Poundstone, that Chocolate Praline Cake was insane!!! – you are quite a little baker! Carrie Duke, that Coconut Chocolate Chip Cake was mouth-watering (everyone order one from 3 Dukes Bakery!). As you can see, I ate WAY too much cake in Montgomery, but I just loved it.

Now, I need some healthy stuff from Trader Joe’s!

P.S. I’m finally remembering to write something I’m grateful for! This one is simple: I’m grateful for what did not happen to me. I am not paralyzed. I didn’t go blind or become deaf (I am deaf in the right ear and the right eye is really messed up, BUT I can see and hear!). I was not severely burned. My spinal cord was not severed. I did not have an amputation. I’m not in any sort of permanently-altered condition. I am so blessed to be able to progress and heal daily. Thank you Lord!

Thank you to all who emailed me after my updated list of prayer needs. I, too, believe restoration will happen. I cling to this verse: ‘ “I will restore you to health and heal your wounds” declares the Lord‘ Jeremiah 30:17.

After recently being in Montgomery, I feel covered in prayer, literally.  There were many, many groups who prayed for me while laying hands on me.  From the First Baptist Youth Group to the Simmons Family at the Reunion (technically in Jackson, MS) to the group who meets once a week since my injury to pray for me (over 2 years later — amazing!), I felt held up by their words and their support.

I decided to post an updated list of prayer needs.  This is the list that I shared with you in January, but I have gone through and edited, described, and revised various parts.  I have also added and subtracted portions as needed.

I believe in the power of prayer!  I don’t think I would be here without it.  I’m certain I would not have recovered to this degree if it were not for all of you praying for me so faithfully.  PRAYER IS WORKING!  I am progressing beyond anything the doctors thought was possible.

This scripture is on my mom’s blog and is in the section dedicated to prayer requests. (Isn’t it so cool she has that?)  I think it is appropriate to share with all of you …

My Walking:  While I can walk across a room with a quad-base cane now (with Jay close by), I still cannot walk on my own or very far at all.  I have been falling a good bit lately, and we are thinking that is a very good thing because my brain is getting ahead of my body.  In other words, I think I can walk faster/further than my body will actually go.  It is a sign of healing, but one that needs many prayers for my safety.  My balance has been brutally affected by the stroke.    (This is why I did not walk for a year and a half).  My right leg has no coordination, and my body has learned to compensate by using my ab and my glute muscles to take steps.  I want so badly to walk normally again.  I am getting faster with the cane and speed is something the physical therapists thought would come in time and it is! 

My Balance: That brings me to this one.  I can now stand on my own, but I cannot do much in terms of movement without holding on to something or my cane.  I cannot even carry a purse because it throws off my balance too badly.  I could not begin to even step up on a scale to weigh myself or carry my own son or I would fall.  Even getting out of a shower, Jay has to dry off my legs because I could not bend down to put the towel on them myself.  Over 60% of my cerebellum was removed in my brain surgery, so I have no sense of balance at all.  

My Hand: It has no fine motor coordination.  I cannot do much of anything with it.  I cannot write normally and that seems to be the hardest adjustment for me.  Compared to many stroke patients who have a hand that curls up, I have a normal-looking hand and decent range of motion with it.  The trouble is, I can’t really use it for normal things you would use your hand for, like grabbing things, writing/typing, even wheeling my wheelchair.  You can imagine all the extreme difficulties associated with not being able to use one hand.  I am right handed, and I have tried to switch to using my left hand.  Unfortunately, I am incredibly ‘Right Hand Dominant’, so I am unable to switch very effectively.  Carrying anything is impossible now and it is so maddening!  Because the “good” hand has to be on the cane, I cannot use it for holding things.  So, I have to use a carrying pouch I wrap around my neck or depending on size and the type of item, I have invented a system where I use my elbow and push the item up against my chest.  They say ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ – I believe it! 

My Eye Ball: After two surgeries, my right eye is still torqued sideways.  I will have another surgery within the year to work on this.  I have a wonderful doctor who is committed to fixing my eye.  Dr. Velez told me that my most recent eye surgery was the most difficult of his career.  Cool distinction!

My Vision: Speaking of my eye, I still have severe double vision.  I have learned to concentrate on the figure that is the real image.  Seeing double is annoying more than anything.  Seeing two of everything can make you feel slightly insane and very disoriented.  The vision in my right eye has been greatly impaired by the stroke, so it is actually easier to see the real image from the wrong one since one is blurrier than the other.   The double vision is the main reason I cannot drive yet.   Still, I am thankful that the vision in my right eye continues to improve – it was 20/400 and now it is 20/40!  The big prayer is that my brain will take the two images and “fuse” a single image again.

My Cornea:  When I was in ICU, I had a full-on corneal tear and they thought I would need a corneal transplant (due to my facial paralysis which impaired my eye lid closing and thus completely dried out my right eye).  Now, I do not need that transplant and things seem to be improving everyday.  As I have recently shared on here, I had another corneal issue, but it has healed from your prayers and the contact lens they put over it.  Because of the facial paralysis, my eye does not close all the way and so it is susceptible to many issues especially severe dryness.  Jay has been putting eye drops in my eye constantly to help keep it moist and lubricated throughout the day.  Before bed, he puts in a thick lube to help seal my eye during the night. 

My Energy Level: I have always been someone who has a ton of energy.  I married someone with even more energy than me (I’m always trying to keep up with him!)  Now, I drink a cup of coffee mid-afternoon to make it through the day without falling asleep.  I am tired almost all the time now.  I feel agitated in the afternoons and want to nap, but I cannot.  It is a horrible feeling.

My Face:  The entire right side of my face is paralyzed.  I had an intense (13 hour) surgery to start the process of correcting the facial nerve that was cut during my brain surgery; however, we have a long road ahead of us.  It appears that the transplanted nerve that was attached to the working, left side of my face ‘took’, so I will have another surgery to connect that nerve to the right side and restore my ability to smile and move my mouth.  I may need an eye-lift, so that my eye lid will open fully.  While I have never considered myself a very vain person, it has been a huge blow to my self-esteem to have half my face be paralyzed.  I will have radical surgery on September 17^th, where the doctors will take a muscle from my inner-thigh and implant it into my face (more about that under “my spirits”).  

My Swallow: While it is functioning again and the feeding tube is out (Praise God!), there are still problems swallowing food and liquid.  There are some foods I cannot eat at all (like steak, many breads, raw vegetables and some nuts), but there are also techniques I use to swallow all food, like washing down my foods with lots of liquid.  I still cough a lot and sometimes I feel like I am choking.  I have to be so careful when I do eat or drink, and it is no longer a carefree activity.  It is tough to eat in public because I can no longer easily chew, swallow, and then talk.

My Endurance: I have greatly diminished stamina now.  If I am even standing up in church, I have to sit down after several minutes from exhaustion.  I frequently have to hold on to Jay when trying to stand up and have an increased heart rate when even walking slowly on a treadmill.   It is as if all my oomph has been sucked right out of me.   I feel like I am 95 in a 27 year old’s body.

My Spirits: Surprisingly, I am strangely hopeful about my continued recovery from this beast of an injury.  Yes, there are moments of sadness, and it is dumb to pretend everything is OK.  I no more want to be Suzie Sunshine than I want to be Debbie Downer.  The truth is I’m somewhere in the middle.  I have wonderful support, and I think that makes all the difference.  I do get sad, but I do feel joy at each and every step towards restoration.  I have a good bit of anxiety about my upcoming surgery.  The hospital stay (4 days minimum), the recovery, the pain – all of it just makes me sad.  I don’t want to have more surgery.  Bottom line, I have to.  So, please pray for me.

James: Thanks to wonderful grandparents, sweet aunts, an amazing Daddy and Thomas the Train, he is doing great and developing into a precious toddler!  He is really starting to understand my condition (we think).  He says all the time, “Mama got a bad booboo”.  It is adorable.  My mom thinks he will be ‘bilingual’ in a way, because he will grow up knowing what I am saying without having to see my face (like Jay can).  We have to start potty training soon and if we ever mention it, he says, “no, I like my diaper”.  Seriously.  Pray for us…

My big Facial Surgery has been moved to September 17th. And no, Ms. Winfrey hasn’t called me yet …

You all are way too good to me. I cannot believe all the viewings and votes. As far as I can tell on the website, voting is open all day tomorrow as well. So, please view and vote today and tomorrow as well. I obviously am not going to get millions of votes like others who have had their video up for months, however, I would just love to have enough votes/viewings to make the producers notice me. Honestly, it’s all in God’s hands anyway. I have a cool story and would love to see something positive on TV for a change, but I’m not holding on to this too tightly. As always, your support is just tremendous. I choked up reading the comments on the video. I am deeply blessed by you.

PS- If you are in the Montgomery area, I hope you saw the WSFA news last night. They did a cool story on Hope While You Cope!

After much back and forth and many strange confirmations, we decided to enter me in the Oprah “Host Your Own Show” contest on the very last day to enter. Jay shot this little video of me on our video camera at home in two takes. Oprah Winfrey is developing a new network, and this contest is to pitch your show idea and why you should host it. The finalists will be chosen based on the top 5 highest votes, as well as several others picked by the producers.

Please vote for me as often as possible in the next few days (voting ends July 3, I think). Also, pray that the right producer will see my audition, out of the thousands of entries, and want to do it! I am pitching my show idea, ‘Hope While You Cope’. It would take a miracle for this to happen, but I believe in miracles (I am one!)

Link: Oprah.com

Clarification: you can vote and view the video as many times as you would like each day. There is no limit. Feel free to vote a million times in 1 day! Also, the producers are looking at the number of viewings of the video as well, so feel free to watch again and again! Thanks sweet people!

Yesterday was a special day for more reasons than just the fact that it was Father’s Day. (Two years ago on Father’s Day, while I lay in a hospital bed, I remember thinking that maybe Jay would assume those “first Father’s Day” gifts that my small group had gotten him were actually from me–HAHA). This year was a special day, and Jay felt very celebrated for being the tremendous father that he is.

In between Father’s Day festivities, I went to a place called PATH (People Assisting the Homeless) to serve dinner to the residents there. PATH is a wonderful organization that we were blessed to be involved with before my injury. It is not exactly a homeless shelter, but a place where a person can get off the street, live and eat for free, while working to save money to get back on their feet and get a place of their own. It’s an amazing concept, the whole “teach a man to fish” thing, and it works. It provides tangible hope to people who feel they are in near hopeless situations.

Our first visit there was almost 4 years ago. I remember my heart would not stop racing once we left. A lady had taken my friend Sarah and I back to see her bed, where she had made a “home” in the PATH building. I left that night feeling inspired, knowing this was a way I could really reach out and connect to people who feel invisible in our society, the ones who are lacking in many things but perhaps most of all lacking in hope.

Last night was the first time I had been back to PATH since my injury, and my friend Ryan commented before we got there that it would be meaningful to see how the residents would respond to someone suffering tremendously in a different capacity. I agreed and thought how perspective would be gained by seeing that we are all dealing with hard issues, no matter who we are or what the issues are.

As we served the meal, I cannot tell you how many residents said this to me: “You are gonna recover from this and be just fine”. “I hope so,” I would say. THEY WERE ALL ENCOURAGING ME! It was so meaningful. Everyone tells me that, but hearing it from these residents gave me chills. I mean, I almost felt guilty about receiving all that Hope from people dealing with things beyond what I could ever imagine.

About half way through the meal-serving process I met a kind African-American gentleman in his mid 50’s. His name was Sylvester, and he shared with me that years ago he had a brain bleed of some kind and when his disability checks abruptly ended, he was left without a home. After chatting and serving him some food, he lingered for a moment and said, “God bless you, Katherine”. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Thank you” I mustered up and continued to serve food.

Our dear friends, the Dobsons, who organize us going to PATH , have set up a smart practice that we all follow at the dinner portion of the night. In an effort to not just be those people who come in and serve a meal and leave, we sit down at the table with them and eat the same food they are eating. It provides dignity to these people and gives them a sense of camaraderie with us, which can often be violated when privileged people offer help to those less fortunate. It is powerful to see the value that sharing a meal together has on the human soul. I have heard fascinating stories and deeply sad ones during this time together. As many meal times have been in my life, these meals are truly the crux of the relationship-building.

Towards the end of the meal, Sylvester walked up to my table and asked if he could sit down next to me. He told me he was a Christian (I told him I was too) and that he attended Pacific Crossroads Church. “Have you heard of PCC?” he asked me. I had a weird moment of being deeply moved while just about laughing out loud at the same time. God can be really funny, can’t he? Oh yes, I know of PCC. You see, many of my dearest friends go there. We even attended a few weeks ago for the christening of our dear friends’ child. It is a wonderful church plant of Redeemer Presbyterian (Tim Keller’s church) in New York City.

He proceeded to take out his bible and share with me about the sermon earlier that day. It was on Jeremiah 29. Now, I’m sure we’ve all heard the words to Jeremiah 29:11 — I know I have clung to them for the past 2 years – God does have a future and a hope for me! However, this sermon was on Jeremiah 29:4-9 and was a message of ‘Bloom where you are Planted’ among many other things. Sylvester shared with me that he was blooming where he was today: homeless and now at PATH, and I should bloom exactly where God has me: in the midst of stroke-survival, fighting hard to recover.

It was one of the more meaningful moments of my life. Even now, it’s hard to articulate. I was receiving Hope. Someone who I wanted to give some Hope to that night was giving it to me. It was powerful perspective on both ends. It wasn’t just the fact that he was telling me what he learned that morning at church, but it was the message that EVERYONE, no matter their situation, can choose to find peace in the exiled land they are in. Moreover, the fact that God calls us to prosper in our exile motivates me in a deep and powerful way to not wait until life is “normal” to truly live it. I will never forget Sylvester, or the message that God sent me through him, as long as I live.

Jeremiah 29:5-7 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”

Today my mom wrote on her blog about beauty in our culture. I wrote the following in the Fall of 2008, at potentially the low point of my ordeal.  I had not posted this on here for many reasons, but I am today.  I feel such a strange sense of  ‘the Rubber Met the Road’.  Do I really believe that I am beautiful in the only eyes that matter?

We Are All Beautiful

I do not feel very pretty these days.  The doctors had to shave off almost half my hair during surgery.  I have an eye that is turned in towards the middle and is bright red, a nose that is always bleeding, and lips that are always cracked.  I have a large scar from the trache tube that was in my throat, and, and worst of all, half of my face is completely immobile.  Even when smiling, the right side of my face stays frozen in place.  Because putting on makeup is a fine motor skill, I cannot do that (especially around my bad eye), so I wear no eyeliner, eyeshadow or even mascara!  Can you imagine life without mascara?

Jay assures me that I am beautiful, but honestly, I feel like I look terrible.  I was always that annoying girl who looked pretty good without trying (much).  I never wore braces or glasses, rarely shaved (I have really light hair), and I only washed my face when I remembered and was not too tired.  That all changed on April 21^st.  Now, everything involving ’primping’ takes a really long time, and I feel more discouraged by my appearance every passing day.

I will never forget the first time I remember seeing myself in a mirror.  I had a hard time believing that it was me in the reflection!   Since my right side has been numb, I had no way of feeling how bad I really looked.  Plus, the dramatic weight loss only made me look more bizarre.  I knew my eye was messed up (I continue to have severe double vision), but I did not know it looked so scary to everyone else.  I think it was so hard for me to accept this new-looking Katherine when nothing had changed on the inside.  I knew that the outward differences would affect how people treated me.  There is really no way to hide an eye that turns in to the middle!

I was getting a pedicure recently and the pedicurist asked if I was ‘born this way’.  I did not even understand what she meant.  My friend finally responded that, no, I had had a severe stroke.  I did not even know how to respond to that.  How did she know?  I guess it was obvious because of my appearance.  I am still in shock even now.

We have lived in Los Angeles for over 3 years, and I have built a nice little career for myself.  I mainly did print modeling, some commercial work, and on two occasions, I had almost booked the lead role on two television shows.   I know my appearance had dramatically helped my career, and I have been disturbed by all the differences.  Who wouldn’t? While this could all change, I still feel panicked when friends or modeling agents hardly recognize me.

So here’s the truth and the comfort, no matter how I feel:

Song of Soloman 4:1a and 7: How beautiful you are, my darling!  Oh, how beautiful! … All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

Romans 10:15: And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

Revelation 19:7: Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!  For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.

The truth is that we are all beautiful in God’s eyes.  No matter what you look like (or what you think you look like), you are beautiful to the One who made you.  Even now as I am, I know I am beautiful.

Just as that Revelation verse says, we are all a bride in His eyes.  He is the lamb and we are the bride on our wedding day.  I have many memories of my wedding.  I worked so hard –as every bride does – to get ready for that day.  I had gotten a spray tan, my hair and makeup were done just so, and I looked great in my designer gown.  In the pictures you can tell, I looked the best I’ve ever looked.  I know many brides feel that way.  Have you ever gotten a Christmas Card from a wedding and wondered who the bride was?  Many times, the bride looks so good, you do not even recognize her.  I think that is why that verse in Revelation is so powerful to me.  If you know our Father, the work is already done.  You have already ‘made yourself ready’ just by believing in Him.  You are gorgeous!

Everything went very well with my Wisdom Teeth removal today. It only required Local Anesthesia because I only needed the top two removed. Localized Anesthesia is much better for me because of all my swallowing issues. I can go under fine, but it is a lot trickier with all my issues. To make a long story shorter, I had been having pain in my upper left jaw. I thought I had a cavity or something. Because my jaw is numb on the right side, I had no way of knowing that there was also (probably) pain there as well. Once I went to the Dentist yesterday, she recommended immediate removal.

Speaking of surgery, 2 months from today, August 12th, will be my biggest surgery to date. The Doctors will remove a part of my inner-thigh muscle and implant it into my face. I will be in the Hospital for at least 4 days after this surgery. Please mark your calendars and plan to pray for that day!

Unfortunately, I have to have my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow morning at 8am in Santa Monica. About the last thing I need right now is more surgery! (Today the dentist told me that I needed to get some X-Rays done, and I told her it was no biggie, I’d had a lot of those recently!) In all seriousness, as minor as this surgery will be compared to the many others I have had and will have, going under Anesthesia is always serious and I need prayer. Please pray tomorrow for me (and Jay who will be in the waiting room) and for cousin Michelle who will be here with James. Thank you.

I’ve decided that I like sharing what I’m grateful for so much that I’m going to share one every time I post something here. It’s very healthy in this state to practice public gratitude. Today, I’m going to share about my little James and why I am so grateful for him. This isn’t just a little blip about my gratitude towards God for giving me James, it’s an entire posting about it.

There are not many times I talk about my stroke when I can’t get the words out because the lump is too big in my throat. I can always, always talk. I’m an Arnold. It’s what we do. We talk. I am the original chatty Kathy! Speechlessness almost never happens to me. I guess some things are deeper than words can express.

Talking about baby James makes me choke up and then stop talking altogether. Specifically, when I recount the story of why my neuro-surgeon decided to do surgery even though I was probably just going to die, I always cry. “Because she is a mother” he was told and would then tell Jay after 16 hours of surgery on my brain. Ahhhh – I have tears right now of course! Quite literally, at 6 months old, James saved my life. He had no idea, but he was utilized in the decision-making that would determine my fate. One day he will understand that fact.

James is healthy and growing and precious. This picture was taken tonight and cracks me up. His faces are so funny. Where does he get all that animation from? We are delighted to report that he will attend St. Johns Presbyterian Preschool in the fall. He was accepted off the waiting list (getting into preschool in LA is like getting into an Ivy League University!!!) More than that exciting news, my heart was warmed a few Sundays ago at church when he said, “Church is fun!” We took him to Family Worship at church, and he danced to the kiddie praise songs. Now I know we have a long way to go, but this made me so happy. We are on the right track!

I want to teach James about God for so, so many reasons. Above all, I want to teach him about a God who saved him from a life without ever knowing his mommy– a God who has given me the gift of watching him grow up.

(These are his Chunky Monkey Pajamas because he is the cutest little Chunky Monkey I know…)