Katherine Arnold Wolf Updates

Has it really been 2 years? I’ve been so busy rehabbing, I’ve hardly noticed. A few days before the moment that changed my life forever, I put a swimsuit on James (he was so cute in it) and we took him swimming for the first time. I remember how little and cute he looked in it. That mental picture of mine showcases the passage of time in our lives. James has grown so much since then. He’s talking and running all over the place now, a far cry from the little doll in his first swimsuit.

I’ve grown, too. Jay is different now. My family has changed. We’ve all been taken to the brink of death and survived. We ALL survived though it has not been easy on anyone. It’s been sad; it’s been hard, but it’s been our reality, and we’ve come out OK.

I heard recently that challenges either make you bitter or beautiful. Symbolically, with a face that is paralyzed on one side, I’m choosing to be beautiful. Gorgeous in fact. We cannot control what happens to us in this world. Control over anything is just an illusion. What we do have control over is our response to what happens to us.

For all of the 11 months I did not eat, I wanted food. I wanted the taste, the texture, and the feeling of food. It drove me crazy. My mouth would water when I fed James baby food. If I was watching television and a commercial came on for food, I would salivate and epic cravings would follow. It was terrible. In those dark moments (I think not eating was the worst part of all this), I would take a deep breath and think that this was all part of something bigger than I could understand. I had to believe that God was using my suffering for good. I still believe that.

I would be lying if I did not tell you that it has not been terrible. It has been worse than anything you could ever, ever imagine. So much is different now. It’s really heartbreaking. However, nothing (not even this) is stronger than God’s power working through this broken vessel. I am getting better. A year ago I was in a wheelchair. I could only eat certain foods on an approved list, and my right eye still pointed in to the middle. What a difference a year makes!

I’ll keep this short (mainly because my double vision makes it so hard to see), but the bottom line is that I am so grateful to God. I have a wonderful family, a wonderful home, and a wonderful life. Above all my earthly blessings, I am so grateful for such an amazing husband. While this has been very hard on me, it’s been harder on him. So, I’m grateful. That gratitude leads me to a deep contentment as I sit here at the 2 year mark. Things may not be perfect, but I am content with where I am. Thank you Lord. That’s sufficient. Yes, that’s plenty.

P.S. I had a fantastic day yesterday. My amazingly sweet and pregnant friend Anna pushed me all over Beverly Hills in a wheelchair! We spent the afternoon in two of my favorite places on Earth – Sprinkles Cupcakes and the PaperSource Stationery shop. It concluded with a wonderful, final Esther Bible Study here. My sister, Amie, is in the study and she made us all laugh ‘til we cried. The 21st could be a sad day, and yet it was so happy! God is so good to me.

P.P.S. CaringBridge readers, after today, I will only be writing my updates on www.katherinewolf.info . Please go there if you would like to continue to follow my progress. That site now has all the features that CB has, including email updates, the same pictures, background story and links. A big thanks to Charlie Saliba (a stranger to me when all of this started) who has selflessly managed that website for 2 years now!!!

I’m celebrating the 2nd anniversary of ‘Katherine Lived’ tomorrow (the 22nd). It is actually the day that I lived, after all. Last year, on the 22nd, Jay gave me a ring that is a tangible symbol of survival. The ring is in the shape of an “8” bent around my finger with a small diamond connecting the top and bottom portion. 4 + 2 + 2 (April 22, 2008) = 8 so 8 must be a special number in my life. When the number 8 is turned on its side, it is the symbol for eternity. On that “8”-themed day, I was just a hair away from eternity. That ring reminds me of just how close we all are to eternity and how we should live until we get there.

Yes, the 22nd is really the day to celebrate, not the 21st. I came out of brain surgery around 6am that morning 2 years ago. While the last day in my memory is the morning of the 21st and it was the day of my brain rupture, collapse, ambulance ride and brain surgery, the 22nd is the day I survived. In my own way, today is my Good Friday, while the 22nd is my Easter. As the sun was coming up that morning, Dr. Gonzalez wearily approached the waiting room to deliver the only good news he had to share with my family. Though he didn’t know what the next few days would hold for me, for that day, I had lived. It would be my first day in this new life. That day, today and everyday, that’s enough.

P.S. I am closing Caringbridge! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I may be disabled, but I’m not insane. I will only be using katherinewolf.info for the time being. So please go there where I will be writing from now on. If you like having the email alerts being sent to you, you can sign up to receive email updates there as well. Tomorrow will be my final posting on CaringBridge. By the way, I have just loved CB and I think it is a wonderful entity! Thank you, CB!

We had an extremely long (over 3 hour) eye appointment today and ALL IS WELL. While I still have severe double vision, they think my eyes are healing very well from surgery and are getting better in general. I saw this particular corneal specialist in January and he has noticed significant changes even since then. YAY!!!!

Dear Friends,

Next Wednesday (the 21st) will be the 2 year anniversary of Katherine’s AVM Brain Rupture. To celebrate that milestone, we will be speaking in the Discipleship Center (the building next to the sanctuary) at Bel-Air Presbyterian Church at 10 am. Young Marrieds and Growing Families are co-hosting the event, but it is open to anyone. There is a nursery available, but you are also welcome to bring in babies as long as you step outside if they are being distracting. This event will be recorded and there should be as little sound interference as possible in the room.

We are aware that some of you have never been to church before. We encourage you to come and stay for the 11am service or come early and attend the more casual 901 service in the discipleship center (our favorite) or go to the more formal 9am service in the sanctuary. We are also aware that some of you have gone to Bel Air and are now at other churches. We think it is wonderful that you have followed God’s calling to go where He wants you! We will stay at Bel Air until we feel called to somewhere else. We admire your desire to follow His lead. Please feel no pressure to come if you are involved in another church, we just wanted to include you because we love you.

We wanted to extend a direct invitation to you so you can plan to be there if you would like. We will share about God’s faithfulness, Katherine’s miraculous survival and recovery, the power of prayer, our response to tremendous suffering, and the reaction of our church family to our ordeal. We encourage you to be a part of this special day.

Love,
Jay and Katherine (and Sweet Baby James)

P.S. This event is on SUNDAY (the 18th) between the morning church services.

Last night, Jay went to a birthday party after our Bible Study and I put James to bed (don’t worry, Mom was in the guest house). It was the 1st time since the injury that I had put James to bed (by myself). I couldn’t quite get him into his crib, although I have learned to lean up against the crib, shift my body weight and get him in and out. While holding James, he said, “I got it, Mama” and he hoisted himself down into his crib. I could have cried. It was so precious!

James is learning a lot from my ordeal. I think he is going to be one of the most empathetic adults on the planet. I think God has something really special for him. Jay’s aunt died in childbirth, and I can’t help but compare her son, Will, to little James. Will is an amazing guy. Although I did not die, Will was taken care of by his grandparents and many ‘other mothers’ just like James was.

James has already learned to be very helpful. I can ask where my cane is and he will go and get “Mama’s Cane” when I need to walk somewhere. Jay says all the time, “big boys help their Mama” and I think James understands this (he really wants to be big!)

I have always wanted to raise a gentleman. So many men today have no manners or respect for women. James has seen Jay take care of me and seen how to care for a woman. It is so sweet to watch.

It is a gift through this hard season.

I met with my eye surgeon yesterday and there are no blood deposits from the surgery. There are no circulation issues of any kind, which is a really good thing. It is an answer to prayer. I’m really glad about that, because this has been a really tough surgery for me, so I’m happy for the good news. I really needed some good news. So Yay!

To be perfectly honest, this has been really hard. I am not used to chronic pain, and it is terrible. The double vision is much worse because the images are closer together. I feel a little insane and disoriented. My eyes are still very red, but there is no more bleeding. Please pray for me. I’m doing ok, but you can imagine that all these issues with my eyes are terrible. I want to see normally again!

On a happier note, I JUST LOVED READING ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS! Thank you so much. Jay had a wonderful day and I was in a happy mood. So, thank you for helping me with that.

I thought of so many more (like hundreds) that I didn’t state, so I’m going to share a few more…

*I know many of you have read my mom’s new blog. Johnny is awesome in his new movie and I was delighted to go the premiere! I have always enjoyed celebrating/encouraging other people in all their endeavors. (Jay says I’m the greatest PR person who is not in PR.) Rejoicing with other people is not something I’m doing since the injury. It’s how I’m wired. I would encourage you to live that way. There is nothing gained by not celebrating the people around you. They are worth celebrating!

**I just love Easter! I heard Kirstie Alley say that Holiday Eating is from Halloween through Valentines. I beg to differ. It is through Easter! I love ALL the Candy. More than that, I love getting to celebrate the ultimate second chance. I get to rejoice that He is Risen! Have a wonderful day. Enjoy a day dedicated to the true meaning of Redemption.

Ok, I’m in a bad mood. I cannot see well (the double vision is different and worse than before and making me crazy), I’m in a lot of pain (it would put anyone in a bad mood), and there is blood coming out of my eyes (it’s normal, don’t worry.) Tomorrow (April 1st) is Jay’s birthday. I’ve got to get in a better mood before then. My April Fool wants me to be happy on his day and everyday. Jay knows the great truth: Happy Wife = Happy Life. So, I’m going to get in a good mood even when I feel like having that big ole pity party for myself. There are a thousand reasons why I could be bothered by my situation, but instead, I am going to make lemonade. I’m going to celebrate life anyway.

Here’s how this is going to work: we are gonna play the Glad Game. I’m gonna write down some of my favorite things and I encourage you to leave a comment about what yours are. It will be fun to read.

Some of My Favorite Things:

Ah, I feel better already. Thanks for playin!!! Don’t forget to tell me yours…

Yesterday I felt a tear and wiped it away only to see that it was blood. Yep, my eyes were bleeding. Really gross. I am in a good amount of pain, so that only makes this whole thing worse. Sometimes I just wanna have a big pity party for myself. I’m really doing fine, but goodness, it does hurt and I will be happy when my eyes are better. My vision is still double, but it is different now and the images are closer together. I will keep you posted on what happens in the next few days. I’m ok and I’m keeping the faith. XOXO.

Katherine is currently home, in her own bed, resting peacefully, after this morning’s surgery. The surgery, by all accounts, was successful. Its two and a half hour length was much longer than the typical eye surgery, but corresponding to the severity of eye issues. Dr. Velez was very pleased with the results, which included Katherine’s eyes being much more in line with each other. At this juncture, she still has double vision, though that’s not totally surprising. Hopefully, as things continue to heal after the surgery, and her right eye’s vision continues to improve, she will potentially be able to gain single vision again. Previously, the two images were far enough apart that two distinct images were created. After today’s surgery, the two images that she sees are almost on top of each other, so in time, it seems that her brain will have more of a chance to meld those two into one image.

Thank you so much for your prayers this morning. Though this is not our first time going through a surgical procedure, those types of situations tend to create a bit of a reality check in my mind. Though we have been dealing with the repercussions of Katherine’s AVM rupture for almost two years now, the reality of what we have to deal with in our life currently, and how completely different it is from what it should be, hits me like a ton of bricks on days like these. How did we get here? Am I really sitting in a windowless waiting room as my 28 year old wife undergoes surgery in hopes of just being able to stop seeing two of everything? The weight of this life is not always heavy, even now it seems strangely familiar, but the pain of watching someone you love experience something that they should not have to be experiencing is always so hard. Nonetheless, the Lord continues to show us His faithfulness, as long as we trust that He is with us and has so much good in store.

Please pray that Katherine would rest well and not be in too much pain. Thankfully, she has not had to deal with much pain post-AVM. Even her 1st eye surgery did not result in much pain at all since it was exclusively done on her right eye, which has no feeling (nor does the right side of her face). Today’s surgery is a bit different since her left eye, which has normal sensation, was also operated on, and as you can imagine incisions, stitches, and shifting muscles around inside your eye are not pleasant feelings. Also, please pray against any inflammation or infection which could seriously harm her eyes and jeopardize her vision. Lastly, pray that in the Lord’s perfect timing, all of the appropriate factors will be in place to allow Katherine’s brain to mesh her eyes’ two images into one.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

All the Best,

Jay III