Has it really been 2 years? I’ve been so busy rehabbing, I’ve hardly noticed. A few days before the moment that changed my life forever, I put a swimsuit on James (he was so cute in it) and we took him swimming for the first time. I remember how little and cute he looked in it. That mental picture of mine showcases the passage of time in our lives. James has grown so much since then. He’s talking and running all over the place now, a far cry from the little doll in his first swimsuit.
I’ve grown, too. Jay is different now. My family has changed. We’ve all been taken to the brink of death and survived. We ALL survived though it has not been easy on anyone. It’s been sad; it’s been hard, but it’s been our reality, and we’ve come out OK.
I heard recently that challenges either make you bitter or beautiful. Symbolically, with a face that is paralyzed on one side, I’m choosing to be beautiful. Gorgeous in fact. We cannot control what happens to us in this world. Control over anything is just an illusion. What we do have control over is our response to what happens to us.
For all of the 11 months I did not eat, I wanted food. I wanted the taste, the texture, and the feeling of food. It drove me crazy. My mouth would water when I fed James baby food. If I was watching television and a commercial came on for food, I would salivate and epic cravings would follow. It was terrible. In those dark moments (I think not eating was the worst part of all this), I would take a deep breath and think that this was all part of something bigger than I could understand. I had to believe that God was using my suffering for good. I still believe that.
I would be lying if I did not tell you that it has not been terrible. It has been worse than anything you could ever, ever imagine. So much is different now. It’s really heartbreaking. However, nothing (not even this) is stronger than God’s power working through this broken vessel. I am getting better. A year ago I was in a wheelchair. I could only eat certain foods on an approved list, and my right eye still pointed in to the middle. What a difference a year makes!
I’ll keep this short (mainly because my double vision makes it so hard to see), but the bottom line is that I am so grateful to God. I have a wonderful family, a wonderful home, and a wonderful life. Above all my earthly blessings, I am so grateful for such an amazing husband. While this has been very hard on me, it’s been harder on him. So, I’m grateful. That gratitude leads me to a deep contentment as I sit here at the 2 year mark. Things may not be perfect, but I am content with where I am. Thank you Lord. That’s sufficient. Yes, that’s plenty.
P.S. I had a fantastic day yesterday. My amazingly sweet and pregnant friend Anna pushed me all over Beverly Hills in a wheelchair! We spent the afternoon in two of my favorite places on Earth – Sprinkles Cupcakes and the PaperSource Stationery shop. It concluded with a wonderful, final Esther Bible Study here. My sister, Amie, is in the study and she made us all laugh ‘til we cried. The 21st could be a sad day, and yet it was so happy! God is so good to me.
P.P.S. CaringBridge readers, after today, I will only be writing my updates on www.katherinewolf.info . Please go there if you would like to continue to follow my progress. That site now has all the features that CB has, including email updates, the same pictures, background story and links. A big thanks to Charlie Saliba (a stranger to me when all of this started) who has selflessly managed that website for 2 years now!!!