I’m not falling nearly as much as I was even a few months ago. In June, I took a few severe falls that took weeks and weeks to heal. I had terrible bruises. I’ve also adjusted to being deaf in one ear. Besides telling where sounds are coming from (which is still very difficult), I have basically gotten used to only hearing out of one ear. I have mastered picking up James while balancing against a surface. He tells me, “Good job, Mama” – so cute. I don’t cringe when I look in the mirror anymore. I’ve learned to smile with my mouth closed so that it doesn’t look as strange. I don’t cry (much) anymore about all of this. I think I’ve made peace with what has happened to me, which is probably the most significant healing that could occur anyway. My life is not easy, but it is a wonderful life. I’m so glad God has allowed me to stay here and live it.

I can’t pretend I’ve adjusted to the double vision. It is still extremely difficult to deal with not seeing clearly. It is very disorienting. I do manage it, though. I will be so happy when I can see one image again, but I can endure this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel here.

The number one way that I can tell that I am healing is by my ability (and desire) to do things again—to have a social life, to be involved in activities outside of my home, to feel capable. The picture above was taken at a massive, fiesta-themed baby shower I coordinated a few months ago. There were over 30 hosts and over 150 people attended. Seriously. It was huge! I loved it, and I love Fiestas in general (I actually love all Mexican food…a little too much). The shower was for Matt and Kelli Powers. It was a special night to celebrate what doctors told them could never happen in their lives. Baby Apollo was born on April 22nd – “Katherine Lived” day. I will forever feel such a unique bond to that kid.

I’m doing more and more things like that. I’m hosting or helping to host 3 Baby “Sprinkles” (like Showers without all the frills, for people having their 2nd baby) in the next 2 months. I’m leading a girl’s bible study starting next week. Jay and I are launching a new ministry at church called “New Parents”. I am repping Juice Plus (a whole food supplement that James loves; it also really helped me get healthy when I was still on the feeding tube). I am hosting endless playdates, picnics, and parties at our house. Jay is working again (from home). We are co-directing “Growing Families” (the partner group with the “Young Marrieds” group at church). We are planning James’ 3rd birthday party. Jay and I are co-chairing a company launch/charity event for friend who is creating an amazing company called “Pop and Lolli”. We are booking flights for the Holidays and making plans. I have accepted several Speaking engagements. Our lives are full.

Speaking of all this craziness, I’ve been working on our calendar a little and here are a few dates you may want to know about and pray about for us (thank you!)-

September 1st: Begin hosting/leading my new bible study – Beth Moore’s Updated “Breaking Free”

September 11th: “New Parents” kick-off at our house

September 17th: My Big Facial Surgery

October TBA: An eye surgery

October 10th: Pop and Lolli Launch Party

October 16th: James 3rd Bday!

November 18th: Speaking at Samford University in Birmingham (my Alma Mater!)

November TBA: An eyelid surgery

December 10th: Speaking at CNN in Atlanta, Ga

January 15th, 2011: Speaking at a Women’s Event through University Bible Church

Speaking of healing and getting back to normal, check out picture #8 here. Yep, that’s me with some girlfriends just after a spray tan, a facial and eating a Sprinkles cupcake. Yes, LA life is good even if you are in a wheelchair!

Point of Gratitude: My Attitude. When reading my mother’s (accurate, I’m sure) blog about traveling through the airport with me, I feel so out-of it. How did I not notice how treacherous it was? Why wasn’t I offended by all these rude people around me? Why was I not devastated to have to get on these special elevators? To be placed in the handicap lines? The truth is that I view air travel as one of the greatest perks of my situation. HA! Attitude is so important. Thanks be to God for giving me a good one!

*Please notice the heart and hand link on the right side of this website. It is a “Highlights” section where you can send someone to read an overview of all the postings. Per your request, we created a way to not have to read over 350 entries, but still feel like you can “catch up” on what’s gone on with me.

“This is NOT overwhelming! All I need to do is look backwards at where I’ve been, and I can think about where I’m going. I can do this!” -Katherine Wolf (my daily inner monologue).

Last week, we had some people over from Casa Colina who are writing a story about me and my family to be published in their annual publication, the Keystone. (I will post it for you to read when it comes out.) The interview brought back so many memories for me about my time at Casa. It was weird to think that the person whose crazy stories we were recounting was actually me! Those are my stories. Even after all this time, I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. It just doesn’t feel real. At all. While I deal with so many issues everyday, the severity and daily struggles have diminished greatly, and things seem a bit more “normal” (if that could ever be said in this situation).

While I deeply loved Casa Colina and I’m so thankful for the all the healing it helped me to gain, looking back, it was an incredibly dark time. Being around people with severe brain injuries is one of the more tragic circumstances a person can be in. Some people struggled through that worst time in their lives alone, without faith–the most real picture of despair that I have ever witnessed. Living with HOPE is the only way I have gotten through this. I simply do not know how people with no faith do it. So many of the people I was with had frontal lobe damage and were left without much of their cognitive minds intact. I have such a deepened empathy for these people, their families, and the amazing therapists who work so hard for them. It’s bizarre to think that I lived in the Transitional Living Center for over 2 months. My memories are clear, but it feels like I am looking at someone else’s life. Could that have been me?

Was it me who had to sleep away from my husband and my baby in an in-patient neurological rehab center, at first sharing a room with an elderly stroke patient who said she wanted a divider put up because she didn’t want to look at me? Was it me who had to be taken with no clothes on, in a wheelchair, to be showered by strangers? Was that really me who woke up in the middle of the night and held my arms over the back of my head to protect myself from a neuro patient screaming and throwing chairs in the next room? Was that really me who watched as a grown man tore off his diaper and used the restroom in the middle of the physical therapy gym? Was it me who had to have 2 nurses go through a 45 minute routine to get me ready for bed at night? Was it me who had to wait for someone else (mainly Jay) to feed me via a long tube dangling out of my stomach, only to get so full from the liquid meals that I would throw up during therapy then nearly choke? Did all this really happen to me???

Praise the Lord, oh goodness, Praise His Holy Name!

That was me.

I am past that hard, hard chapter. I’m in a precious home in Culver City, California, loving my life with a son starting preschool in the Fall and I am defining a “new normal” for the world. Thanks be to God who has brought me through an incredible darkness and into a beautiful (but not yet perfect) light. I’m outta there. WOW.

The picture below is me working with one of my physical therapists at Casa, Awon. She is holding me up as I relearn to walk. The long hallway in front of me symbolizes how far I’ve come from those dark days. What a beautiful photograph.

Point of Gratitude: Anna and Andy Stover! What would we have done without them? They took James into their home for SEVEN weeks. They fed him, changed him, bathed him, and even sleep trained him! They are amazing. While I try not to thank people by name publicly because there are just WAY too many to thank, the Stovers get that times 1000. I’m not sure what we would have done without them. I will be deeply grateful to them for the rest of my life. James will have a special bond with them always. Thank you Stovers! You are true friends.

I have just returned from a wonderful trip to the South. I just love the South even though it was SO hot and humid while I was there. I was in Montgomery, Athens and most of all, Lake Hartwell! Here is the email I sent to the ladies who I spent the weekend at Lake Hartwell with….

A Few Notes:

*Est.Her is a bible study group that my friend and pledge sister, Sarah Ott, leads in Atlanta, Ga. It stands for EstablishHer (based on 1 Peter 5:10 – my verse throughout this!!!), but it looks like Esther when abbreviated the way they do (and that’s on purpose).

*Read my mom’s blog in the next few days to see more pictures of the Est.Her retreat and to read something Sarah wrote. The address www.margeryraveson.com NOT margerywillraveon.com (Although she will, haha!)

*If you ‘save as a draft’ as I did here when on an airplane, you can email after you land from any flight. Can you believe that? It will change your life!

* I shared with the Est.Her ladies my desire to be the mom who passes out cupcakes at school on James’ birthday. That is what I am referencing in this letter.

*As I reference in this letter, I do not get back to people who write to me for months. I have finally given myself the freedom to take a super long time responding and be OK with it. I hope you are, too J.

*Because I do not want to alienate readers of this website who do not share my faith, I usually do not have nearly this many scripture references. However, this is the letter I wrote and I am not going to change it, because it is what I believe and it is my heart.

Est.Her Ladies-

It was such a joy to be with you this past weekend at the lake! As I sit on this airplane flying back to California, I am reminded of how beautiful it is to give Hope to each other. And I mean Hope with a capitol H. That is exactly what last weekend was – a chance to give and receive Hope. “No one whose Hope is in you will ever be put to shame.” -Psalm 25:3. It will never be put to shame. Keep Hoping — be persistent!

I think we may have much, much more in common than that which is different. I’m just dealing with a whole lot of issues that show on the outside where most people’s issues are on the inside. Please read this if you have not before, (it’s from a series I wrote, ‘Lessons Learned the Hard Way’, that I did earlier in my injury).

This is from last December: “Suffering is Universal”:

“I consider my greatest fault/character flaw/sin to be my extreme naiveté; however, I am not naïve to the fact that everyone around me is suffering through something right now. I am not the only one going through a lot. While my situation is extreme, we all face difficult trials every day. Clearly, you don’t have to be experiencing a major medical issue to be able to understand suffering. There are hard and sad things in this world that are awful and painful. There are children who are abused; there is homelessness and people who go to bed hungry. There are unmet expectations and broken relationships. People have affairs. Parents divorce. There is disease, and there are freak accidents. Women miscarry, and couples can’t get pregnant. People die. Life is hard, no matter who you are. Because of this, we need to give each other slack (because we often never know what someone else is going through deep inside), spread love over everyone in our lives, and find hope in the Lord’s promise that our suffering is never in vain.”

I know each one of you has hardships and difficulties in your own lives, and it was a blessing to go deeper with you last weekend as we cling to the One who heals all our wounds. We all want the same thing in this world, I think. We want rest, peace – ultimately fulfillment that comes from a deep contentment. Contentment is a tricky beast. I am learning so much about it right now.
Read this that I wrote in December also. “Contentment is Not Based on the Situation”:

“I am learning this lesson in a very powerful way. And I mean, I am still learning it. Instead of waiting to be content until I can walk, eat, see, speak, write, drive or live normally, I just need to be content where I am. In late August of this year, James, Jay and I were ‘helping’ to move Grace in to Pepperdine. On a break, we went down to the little downtown area of Malibu. We got ‘James’ a treat from Crumbs cupcakes and then went outside. There was a guy playing acoustic guitar outside and James began pushing his little mini toy car along a bench in front of me. Jay would chase him down when necessary, and I watched closely. After I had finished the entire treat, I sat there in the beautiful Malibu sunshine and got a lump in my throat. Even in a wheelchair with a hand that won’t work and a mouth that won’t let me smile, I felt content, just watching my two babies enjoy the day. I really felt content. Even if life was never going to be how I wanted it to be, that was OK. I’m OK.”

I think no matter what you are dealing with, it helps to know you are not alone. We gave each other that gift last weekend. I was blessed by how we were able to comfort each other with the comfort we have received. “Praise be to … the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” – 2 Cor. 1:3-4. Perhaps the deepest fulfillment we can feel on this Earth is through making peace (being content) with where we are and the feeling that we are fulfilling a greater purpose than ourselves. “I cry out to God the Most High, who fulfills his purpose for me.” -Psalm 57:2.

I heard time and time again this weekend that fulfillment is such a deep desire for us all whether that is in being single, trying to get pregnant, being pregnant , financial problems, family issues, health challenges, not feeling good enough, pretty enough etc.

I love that we spent time praising and thanking God. Gratitude is SO important in all situations, no matter what we are facing. “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, his love endures forever.” – Psalm 107:1. -We are being obedient and celebrating all the wonderful blessings in our lives. It is so important for me to thank God for all the tremendous blessings in my life, rather than focusing on the things I want changed. That doesn’t mean I’m unrealistic. I BEG the Lord everyday to heal me even in the midst of gratitude.

and IT IS HAPPENING!!! I know all this healing and progress I’m making comes from Him. He grants it because I desire it. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” -Psalm 37:4 (a favorite of mine).

I was deeply encouraged by several of you who were struck by my desire to pass out cupcakes to his classmates on James’ birthday. Thank you for your encouragement. You are so right – far beyond giving his little friends cupcakes will be all the other things I can give him, like a LIVING legacy. That was very moving for me to hear. BTW- I’m thinking I can sit in the wheelchair, balance cupcakes on my lap, and use my good hand to put cupcakes on each desk! SOLUTION!!! It can be done, ladies! “With God, all things are possible!” -Matthew 9:23 (I think that is the verse).

I am so grateful that REST emerged as the theme for last weekend. I love the Message version of this verse, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.” -Matthew 11:28 (the MSG).

As some of you may know, I have a very significant following right now. There have been over 2 million hits on my 2 main websites (CaringBridge and kw.info) and there are (still!) over 900 hits a day on www.katherinewolf.info where I (try) to write weekly. (Read there if you wanna keep up with my progress). It has become such a cool facet to this ordeal. People write to me from all over the world with stories of how I have encouraged them with whatever they are dealing with. It is a blessing and a privilege. “When you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled (LIKE ME!!!), the lame, the blind and YOU will be blessed.” – Luke 14:13 I have been blessed! I think Est.Her is such an amazing thing. I feel so honored to have been your 1st key-note speaker! I loved it and I love you ladies!!!

Keep in touch with me, but don’t be offended if it takes me forever to get back to you! I apologize in advance. I always mean to write back quickly, but then I save emails for later that I really want to spend time responding to. Later never comes. Ugh.

God bless you all as He continues the Restoration that is happening in each one of us!

Love,
Katty …as Sarah and now you (and all my sorority sisters) call me. Keep it up (I like it- it reminds me of my college days)

P.S. So sorry this got so long!

Point of Gratitude: DR. GONZALES! Had he not elected to operate despite all odds of my survival, I would not be here! Thank you, Dr. G. I will be grateful to you as long as I live.

* For those of you who knew about it, I did have an eye issue while back down South. I was officially diagnosed with a corneal abrasion, and wonderful doctor Dr in Athens put a contact in to protect the eye. I have since had the contact removed by a Dr out here and the abrasion is (mostly) healed!

Also: I’m thinking Oprah may not call me at this point. I think she already would have if she was going to. Oh well. Trust me, I’m not disappointed. As they say in the deep south, “I’d rather be in 10 Buck 2 in God’s will, rather than the lights of a big city NOT”. Amen and Amen.

Trader Joe’s is like Whole Foods/EarthFare but way cheaper and more fun. I’m going to share on here what all I buy there and why I love it so much (at some point). And many recipes! Athenians, I really want this place to stay in business, so I encourage you to shop there like crazy!

While what happened to me was not preventable, I think it would have been almost unbearable sadness for me if it would have been. Prevention seems to be one of my ‘theme-songs’ to come from the stroke. Health is more important to me than ever. I was into health/wellness before my stroke, but it feels much more real now. I want to encourage people to wear seat belts, helmets of all kinds, exercise, eat healthy, take precautions, develop good nutrition and take good supplements etc.

My love for Trader Joe’s only furthers my stance. You can get great, healthy food there, and feel good about what you are eating. There are not chemicals or preservatives in the food. Above all, the stuff is really yummy! You will love it if you’ve never been there!

Speaking of yummy, I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who brought me cake/cupcakes while I was in Montgomery. Angie Stewart, I loved your pound cake! Sandra McGhar, that almond/wedding cake was divine (everyone should use Cake Designs for their wedding)! Patti Roper and Kathy Cooper, the Nancy Patterson Strawberry Cakes were delicious! Elizabeth Poundstone, that Chocolate Praline Cake was insane!!! – you are quite a little baker! Carrie Duke, that Coconut Chocolate Chip Cake was mouth-watering (everyone order one from 3 Dukes Bakery!). As you can see, I ate WAY too much cake in Montgomery, but I just loved it.

Now, I need some healthy stuff from Trader Joe’s!

P.S. I’m finally remembering to write something I’m grateful for! This one is simple: I’m grateful for what did not happen to me. I am not paralyzed. I didn’t go blind or become deaf (I am deaf in the right ear and the right eye is really messed up, BUT I can see and hear!). I was not severely burned. My spinal cord was not severed. I did not have an amputation. I’m not in any sort of permanently-altered condition. I am so blessed to be able to progress and heal daily. Thank you Lord!

Thank you to all who emailed me after my updated list of prayer needs. I, too, believe restoration will happen. I cling to this verse: ‘ “I will restore you to health and heal your wounds” declares the Lord‘ Jeremiah 30:17.

I decided to post an updated list of prayer needs.  This is the list that I shared with you in January, but I have gone through and edited, described, and revised various parts.  I have also added and subtracted portions as needed.

I believe in the power of prayer!  I don’t think I would be here without it.  I’m certain I would not have recovered to this degree if it were not for all of you praying for me so faithfully.  PRAYER IS WORKING!  I am progressing beyond anything the doctors thought was possible.

This scripture is on my mom’s blog and is in the section dedicated to prayer requests. (Isn’t it so cool she has that?)  I think it is appropriate to share with all of you …

My Walking:  While I can walk across a room with a quad-base cane now (with Jay close by), I still cannot walk on my own or very far at all.  I have been falling a good bit lately, and we are thinking that is a very good thing because my brain is getting ahead of my body.  In other words, I think I can walk faster/further than my body will actually go.  It is a sign of healing, but one that needs many prayers for my safety.  My balance has been brutally affected by the stroke.    (This is why I did not walk for a year and a half).  My right leg has no coordination, and my body has learned to compensate by using my ab and my glute muscles to take steps.  I want so badly to walk normally again.  I am getting faster with the cane and speed is something the physical therapists thought would come in time and it is! 

My Balance: That brings me to this one.  I can now stand on my own, but I cannot do much in terms of movement without holding on to something or my cane.  I cannot even carry a purse because it throws off my balance too badly.  I could not begin to even step up on a scale to weigh myself or carry my own son or I would fall.  Even getting out of a shower, Jay has to dry off my legs because I could not bend down to put the towel on them myself.  Over 60% of my cerebellum was removed in my brain surgery, so I have no sense of balance at all.  

My Hand: It has no fine motor coordination.  I cannot do much of anything with it.  I cannot write normally and that seems to be the hardest adjustment for me.  Compared to many stroke patients who have a hand that curls up, I have a normal-looking hand and decent range of motion with it.  The trouble is, I can’t really use it for normal things you would use your hand for, like grabbing things, writing/typing, even wheeling my wheelchair.  You can imagine all the extreme difficulties associated with not being able to use one hand.  I am right handed, and I have tried to switch to using my left hand.  Unfortunately, I am incredibly ‘Right Hand Dominant’, so I am unable to switch very effectively.  Carrying anything is impossible now and it is so maddening!  Because the “good” hand has to be on the cane, I cannot use it for holding things.  So, I have to use a carrying pouch I wrap around my neck or depending on size and the type of item, I have invented a system where I use my elbow and push the item up against my chest.  They say ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ – I believe it! 

My Eye Ball: After two surgeries, my right eye is still torqued sideways.  I will have another surgery within the year to work on this.  I have a wonderful doctor who is committed to fixing my eye.  Dr. Velez told me that my most recent eye surgery was the most difficult of his career.  Cool distinction!

My Vision: Speaking of my eye, I still have severe double vision.  I have learned to concentrate on the figure that is the real image.  Seeing double is annoying more than anything.  Seeing two of everything can make you feel slightly insane and very disoriented.  The vision in my right eye has been greatly impaired by the stroke, so it is actually easier to see the real image from the wrong one since one is blurrier than the other.   The double vision is the main reason I cannot drive yet.   Still, I am thankful that the vision in my right eye continues to improve – it was 20/400 and now it is 20/40!  The big prayer is that my brain will take the two images and “fuse” a single image again.

My Cornea:  When I was in ICU, I had a full-on corneal tear and they thought I would need a corneal transplant (due to my facial paralysis which impaired my eye lid closing and thus completely dried out my right eye).  Now, I do not need that transplant and things seem to be improving everyday.  As I have recently shared on here, I had another corneal issue, but it has healed from your prayers and the contact lens they put over it.  Because of the facial paralysis, my eye does not close all the way and so it is susceptible to many issues especially severe dryness.  Jay has been putting eye drops in my eye constantly to help keep it moist and lubricated throughout the day.  Before bed, he puts in a thick lube to help seal my eye during the night. 

My Energy Level: I have always been someone who has a ton of energy.  I married someone with even more energy than me (I’m always trying to keep up with him!)  Now, I drink a cup of coffee mid-afternoon to make it through the day without falling asleep.  I am tired almost all the time now.  I feel agitated in the afternoons and want to nap, but I cannot.  It is a horrible feeling.

My Face:  The entire right side of my face is paralyzed.  I had an intense (13 hour) surgery to start the process of correcting the facial nerve that was cut during my brain surgery; however, we have a long road ahead of us.  It appears that the transplanted nerve that was attached to the working, left side of my face ‘took’, so I will have another surgery to connect that nerve to the right side and restore my ability to smile and move my mouth.  I may need an eye-lift, so that my eye lid will open fully.  While I have never considered myself a very vain person, it has been a huge blow to my self-esteem to have half my face be paralyzed.  I will have radical surgery on September 17^th, where the doctors will take a muscle from my inner-thigh and implant it into my face (more about that under “my spirits”).  

My Swallow: While it is functioning again and the feeding tube is out (Praise God!), there are still problems swallowing food and liquid.  There are some foods I cannot eat at all (like steak, many breads, raw vegetables and some nuts), but there are also techniques I use to swallow all food, like washing down my foods with lots of liquid.  I still cough a lot and sometimes I feel like I am choking.  I have to be so careful when I do eat or drink, and it is no longer a carefree activity.  It is tough to eat in public because I can no longer easily chew, swallow, and then talk.

My Endurance: I have greatly diminished stamina now.  If I am even standing up in church, I have to sit down after several minutes from exhaustion.  I frequently have to hold on to Jay when trying to stand up and have an increased heart rate when even walking slowly on a treadmill.   It is as if all my oomph has been sucked right out of me.   I feel like I am 95 in a 27 year old’s body.

My Spirits: Surprisingly, I am strangely hopeful about my continued recovery from this beast of an injury.  Yes, there are moments of sadness, and it is dumb to pretend everything is OK.  I no more want to be Suzie Sunshine than I want to be Debbie Downer.  The truth is I’m somewhere in the middle.  I have wonderful support, and I think that makes all the difference.  I do get sad, but I do feel joy at each and every step towards restoration.  I have a good bit of anxiety about my upcoming surgery.  The hospital stay (4 days minimum), the recovery, the pain – all of it just makes me sad.  I don’t want to have more surgery.  Bottom line, I have to.  So, please pray for me.

James: Thanks to wonderful grandparents, sweet aunts, an amazing Daddy and Thomas the Train, he is doing great and developing into a precious toddler!  He is really starting to understand my condition (we think).  He says all the time, “Mama got a bad booboo”.  It is adorable.  My mom thinks he will be ‘bilingual’ in a way, because he will grow up knowing what I am saying without having to see my face (like Jay can).  We have to start potty training soon and if we ever mention it, he says, “no, I like my diaper”.  Seriously.  Pray for us…

PS- If you are in the Montgomery area, I hope you saw the WSFA news last night. They did a cool story on Hope While You Cope!

Please vote for me as often as possible in the next few days (voting ends July 3, I think). Also, pray that the right producer will see my audition, out of the thousands of entries, and want to do it! I am pitching my show idea, ‘Hope While You Cope’. It would take a miracle for this to happen, but I believe in miracles (I am one!)

Link: Oprah.com

Clarification: you can vote and view the video as many times as you would like each day. There is no limit. Feel free to vote a million times in 1 day! Also, the producers are looking at the number of viewings of the video as well, so feel free to watch again and again! Thanks sweet people!

In between Father’s Day festivities, I went to a place called PATH (People Assisting the Homeless) to serve dinner to the residents there. PATH is a wonderful organization that we were blessed to be involved with before my injury. It is not exactly a homeless shelter, but a place where a person can get off the street, live and eat for free, while working to save money to get back on their feet and get a place of their own. It’s an amazing concept, the whole “teach a man to fish” thing, and it works. It provides tangible hope to people who feel they are in near hopeless situations.

Our first visit there was almost 4 years ago. I remember my heart would not stop racing once we left. A lady had taken my friend Sarah and I back to see her bed, where she had made a “home” in the PATH building. I left that night feeling inspired, knowing this was a way I could really reach out and connect to people who feel invisible in our society, the ones who are lacking in many things but perhaps most of all lacking in hope.

Last night was the first time I had been back to PATH since my injury, and my friend Ryan commented before we got there that it would be meaningful to see how the residents would respond to someone suffering tremendously in a different capacity. I agreed and thought how perspective would be gained by seeing that we are all dealing with hard issues, no matter who we are or what the issues are.

As we served the meal, I cannot tell you how many residents said this to me: “You are gonna recover from this and be just fine”. “I hope so,” I would say. THEY WERE ALL ENCOURAGING ME! It was so meaningful. Everyone tells me that, but hearing it from these residents gave me chills. I mean, I almost felt guilty about receiving all that Hope from people dealing with things beyond what I could ever imagine.

About half way through the meal-serving process I met a kind African-American gentleman in his mid 50’s. His name was Sylvester, and he shared with me that years ago he had a brain bleed of some kind and when his disability checks abruptly ended, he was left without a home. After chatting and serving him some food, he lingered for a moment and said, “God bless you, Katherine”. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Thank you” I mustered up and continued to serve food.

Our dear friends, the Dobsons, who organize us going to PATH , have set up a smart practice that we all follow at the dinner portion of the night. In an effort to not just be those people who come in and serve a meal and leave, we sit down at the table with them and eat the same food they are eating. It provides dignity to these people and gives them a sense of camaraderie with us, which can often be violated when privileged people offer help to those less fortunate. It is powerful to see the value that sharing a meal together has on the human soul. I have heard fascinating stories and deeply sad ones during this time together. As many meal times have been in my life, these meals are truly the crux of the relationship-building.

Towards the end of the meal, Sylvester walked up to my table and asked if he could sit down next to me. He told me he was a Christian (I told him I was too) and that he attended Pacific Crossroads Church. “Have you heard of PCC?” he asked me. I had a weird moment of being deeply moved while just about laughing out loud at the same time. God can be really funny, can’t he? Oh yes, I know of PCC. You see, many of my dearest friends go there. We even attended a few weeks ago for the christening of our dear friends’ child. It is a wonderful church plant of Redeemer Presbyterian (Tim Keller’s church) in New York City.

He proceeded to take out his bible and share with me about the sermon earlier that day. It was on Jeremiah 29. Now, I’m sure we’ve all heard the words to Jeremiah 29:11 — I know I have clung to them for the past 2 years – God does have a future and a hope for me! However, this sermon was on Jeremiah 29:4-9 and was a message of ‘Bloom where you are Planted’ among many other things. Sylvester shared with me that he was blooming where he was today: homeless and now at PATH, and I should bloom exactly where God has me: in the midst of stroke-survival, fighting hard to recover.

It was one of the more meaningful moments of my life. Even now, it’s hard to articulate. I was receiving Hope. Someone who I wanted to give some Hope to that night was giving it to me. It was powerful perspective on both ends. It wasn’t just the fact that he was telling me what he learned that morning at church, but it was the message that EVERYONE, no matter their situation, can choose to find peace in the exiled land they are in. Moreover, the fact that God calls us to prosper in our exile motivates me in a deep and powerful way to not wait until life is “normal” to truly live it. I will never forget Sylvester, or the message that God sent me through him, as long as I live.

Jeremiah 29:5-7 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”