I wanted to ask you all to pray for my voice/my ability to speak. Just about everyone in the world has a hard time understanding my speech. It has been one of the very hardest parts of this entire ordeal. Jay, my mom, some therapists, and a few family and friends are trying really hard and winning the battle of discerning my speech. My lack of clear speech could make anyone crazy. They say the reason for the distorted sound is the tongue having been weakened and half of the soft-palate being paralyzed. One vocal cord is completely paralyzed and that why my voice is also so soft. The facial surgery could make the articulation better so pray that works! I have the palatal lift and I have appointments every two weeks and they are making my lift a little bit longer. Eventually, it will hopefully help my speech.
Like I said, the whole voice thing is just horrible. I did not say anything for over 60 days, and then my voice was very weak and distorted. I always knew God would use my ability and love of public-speaking for something, but how could He do this without a voice? It was one of the hardest things to wrap my mind around. I am the original “chatty Kathy” and love gabbing! Recently, I had one medical professional even ask me if I spoke English! In a very popular store, I had someone look at me while I was talking, then look the other direction, and walk away without saying a word. The most painful example of the difficulty people have understanding me was when a fellow patient told me my voice was ‘a joke’ and that it would ‘never be normal again‘. It stung much more than it should have since this guy was very brain damaged.
One of the more painful realties has been how little I talk on the phone now (thank goodness for texting and email!) I think I just finally gave up on anyone understanding what I am saying without seeing my lips move in person. As I have previously shared, I am truly a “chatty Kathy”. I manage to use the most cell phone minutes per month of anyone I know. I also have talked to my grandmother in Georgia for about an hour every other day since I got married. I loved that time and loved telling her everything that was going on with me. Now, I cannot really talk to her and she can barely understand me.
My automatic thought was to write things down. “If no one can understand me, then I will just write words down and they will get it” I thought. I will never forget the scene of the first time I learned I could not write. I was in the acute rehab at the hospital and Grace (my sister) handed me a pen and paper and I thought I would just write normally with them. I wrote my name down with my right hand and then tried with my left. Neither would work at all. The funny squiggles did not even look like letters. It was horrifying, and yet all I could do was laugh. It was a similar realization that I know people who have locked-in syndrome (where your mind is active but your body doesn’t function) must have. I think I realized that no one on this Earth would understand everything.
Pray I will speak normally again one day. It is a deep desire. Thank you, as always, for praying for me.
A quick update I meant to write last time — My eyesight continues to improve! In Sept. it was 20/400 in my right eye, in Dec. it was 20/300 and as of last week it was 20/200!
Dear Katherine,
My daughter (LaRae) and I have prayer ever night and you have been in those since the very beginning of your battle. I to love to talk……and talk and talk. When I am on the phone my husband always says” isn’t your jaws hurting yet?” LOL… I just wanted you to know we will make it a matter of prayer that you will be able to speak clear….I truly fill like you will….God has things for you to share and when it is time you will speak and speak so that people will understand. Until then the miracle that you will share is just growing bigger everyday.
God Bless You,
Jeana
Katherine,
I have been following your story for quite some time now. You are a remarkable person and I don’t even know you. Right now your voice is this story you are telling and it speaks volumes! It has touched me as I am sure it has touched so many. You will get your voice back, I just know it! Your voice is not a joke! You are one strong woman, wife and mother and this is one more thing you will fight for. Keep your head high and know that I will pray for you and your family!
The following is one of my favorite quotes and I read it when I feel defeated…
“The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” – Walter Bagehot
May God bless you!
Katherine…in my ~gace for the moment book…todays word is
WHISPERED WONDERING…I read it after I read your post.
It says alot in this small story about wonderings… like did eve eat any more fruit?
and ends with YES YOUR NAME IS WRITTEN IN HEAVEN AND YES GOD HAS ENTERED YOUR WORLD…He still moves stones~ may this bless you today… and I stand firm with so many that you will be whole in every area of your body!
I pray that all these things happen in His perfect time..but soon.
Love S
Katherine,
You are such an awesome person, a real inspiration to me. I do not know you or any of your family but I have been so very touched by your journey. You are an amazing person and you have over come so many things. I will be praying for your voice. I know that God will heal your voice so that you can personally share your journey. I am so impressed with Jay and the way he cares for you and the strength he has. He is certainly a man of God.
God will continue the good work that he began in you. I will pray that your healing progresses rapidly. Even though I do not know you I love for you and care for you dearly. I hope the day comes that I can meet you in person.
In Christ,
Linda
Hello Katherine!
Yay for regaining your health! I read your blog whenever I can, your story has touched me deeply and I pray for your complete healing and restoration to health!
Thank you for being so honest with your journey, it is clearly a difficult and testing one.
I am a friend of Mia’s-we studied together at uni together and were in the same residence (I think it would be dormitories to you? ) and boy, I was so blown away with how she upon called us all to pray and intercede for you! I was blown away with the authority and conviction that she applied in her mails. I am sure that a lot of this authority in Christ was strenghtened in your small groups and under your and Jays leadership as well. look how enlarged your territory has become! I am following your life from a distant Johannesburg and I know from your mails many others from other countries do to.
Of course God has a plan!
Lots of love!
Cecilia
Continuing to pray for you daily, sweet Katherine! Thank you so much for the thank-you note you sent- it was lovely! I will focus my prayers on your voice and on your ability to communicate in general. You are an inspiration to everyone whose life you touch!
I will lift you up in prayer! Just know that while your vocal cords are weak, your written voice is reaching people around the world!!! You are giving me such hope with the news that your eyesight is returning! They gave me a 50/50 chance of my left field returning after my stroke, and said it would return within the first 3-6 months after it happened. But, look at you! Still seeing improvements 1 year later! Praise the Lord!
-Christa
Portland, OR
Hi. This is Trish again. My special needs son also gets speech therapy. He is 6 and his speech and language is severely delayed. While he has no problem with the volume of his voice, he drops or substitutes sounds for ones he cannot make so when he speaks, it sounds like he’s speaking in a foreign language. So much of speech therapy depends on a person’s ability to make the sound. We don’t know if he is able to make some sounds and believe he has muscle weakness of his tongue and/or mouth (which is partly why he has a feeding tube). Thanks again for your testimony.