Until yesterday, I had not worn eye-makeup since my injury. I have not been able to wear mascara, eye shadow, or anything else because of my impaired right eye. Yesterday, Jay surprised me with a photo shoot by my favorite photographer in the world, Marisu Wehrenberg (the one who took our wedding pictures and encouraged me to get into modeling in the first place Zoom-Works.com — she’s fabulous!) He knew that the change in my appearance since my stroke has been one of the hardest changes to get used to. He thought that if I could see myself as beautiful again through pictures, then I could begin to feel beautiful in my head again too. It’s been surprisingly hard, but I am really trying to embrace this.
Perhaps it is because I know that it will change one day (the nerve “took”!!!), but I decided to post this picture of me on here. I will post more later, but here is one the photographer sent me today. As you can imagine, this is hard to do. I only want you to see the pictures BEFORE my brain injury. I’ve posted a few other current pictures, but this one is up close and very real. This is my reality right now.
Though I modeled for many years, I have never been very focused on my appearance. It was always a struggle for my mom to get me to put on makeup when I was going out in public! The irony then was that someone so unconcerend with beauty ended up being a model. The irony now is that of all the areas of my brain to be affected by my stroke, one of them was my face. It’s almost been surprising how painful the facial paralysis has been.
I guess it’s human nature to be deeply affected when your outward self, the one you present to the world, undergoes a big and undesired change. I know that in the Lord’s eyes, and Jay’s too, I can never be anything but beautiful, yet I honestly don’t feel that way very much right now. I have always been naturally confident and outgoing, but the stroke’s affect on my face, voice, ability to get around on my own, hearing, sight, etc. make it hard to be that same person I once was in terms of presenting myself to the world around me. I guess I’m still figuring out how to be myself in this new self.
After taking this step to put myself out there in front of the camera again, I think I just might wear mascara again. I don’t know if I feel totally beautiful yet, but I think I feel a little more comfortable in my skin now. And that’s a good start.
Love the picture! You have come such a long way in your
recovery. I rejoice over every good thing that happens to you!
Katherine,
I know how you feel. I had never been really concerned with makeup or looks, but when I lost my eyelashes during chemo a few years ago, it really made me self-concious. It wasn’t the bald head just the “bald” eyes. The picture and your words show your true beauty.
Praying for you and your family from Montgomery.
You look positively amazing! Your inner beauty also shines through your eyes Katherine. You are such a beauty!
Katherine, you are beautiful! Continuing to pray for your recovery.
I love the picture. You are and continue to be so gorgeous to me. So many of the things you say in your blogs are so true and I shake my head while reading in agreement. I “believe” them deeply. But I continue to ask myself if I were faced with these situations, what would I really be made of? I “say” beauty is not important. But I know it holds much more weight in my life than I give it credit for…
You are still as beautiful as ever, Katherine, inside and out. You are such an inspiration to me as well as thousands of other readers. God is using you to spread His love to so many people. I am still praying for your full recovery! God has wonderful plans for your life!!
Katherine……wow, you are absolutely beautiful…..inside and out….your spirit shines through and overcomes any “flaw” you may notice….i keep you in my prayers and have enjoyed your many posts…..much love from birmingham, al !!
You are gorgeous! Then and now! I hope you are able to believe it. It is so so true. Best wishes.
I think you are beautiful now and then! You have such a wonderful family and support group. Thank you for sharing your story!!
You are absolutely stunning!!!
I knew that you somehow felt unlovely and perhaps even wondered if you were unworthy, but your beauty has never been defined by what men admire or praise. Your beauty and your worth are derived from the fact that you ARE a daughter of the King of Kings. Wear your smile as a gift…in all its crooked glory (it really does not look that crooked to me!) you are His Bride and He has made you glorious.
You are still very beautiful! I am praying for you and your sweet family!
You look great Katherine!
you have natural beauty…and it’s what I see in your eyes that is most beautiful…the reflection of a heart that God is creating in His own image…thanks for sharing such personal thoughts and feelings…
one word: Beautiful! (and in every way!)
Wow!!! You are stunning!!! You are as beautiful as ever!!! What a testimony you have. You are an inspiration and encourager for others. Remember Romans 8:28. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts. May God continue to Bless you and your family. Merry, merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
You Look BEAUTIFUL!! May God reveal the depth of your beauty to you as He has to all of us! Merry Christmas!
Katherine, you are nothing but beautiful, in the eyes of God, Jay, and the world, both on the outside and inside. May God continue to bless you!
Katerine,
Show off all of those things that you think make you self conscious! Because I dont care what anyone says, I’m just so thankful your here and alive to preach the word of GOD! And even with the things that you say bother you about your physical appearance your still so pretty and absolutely beautiful. With a mind that is equally as beautiful!!!! REMEMEBER THAT 
.
I have to say your are absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!! There is nothing about you that makes me think your not! As a fellow Brain Surgery and AVM’r survivor you are gorgeous just because of the fact that you “lived”!!!!! The effects from your stroke to your body (in my opinion) just make you even more beautiful then what you were before. I’m sure your husband feels the same way!
You are very beautiful still! Thank you for sharing your inspiring thoughts and beautiful faith and heart!
Hi Katherine, my name is Christie Kiley and I attended Bel Air Pres for 5 years while doing my undergrad at UCLA. Jenny Hall and Alana Ledford introduced me to your story recently, and as I’ve been reading through your posts and websites I have been again reminded of God’s great faithfulness. One of my friends had brain surgery last week to remove a tumor, and God’s power has been so apparent both through the miracles He’s performed relating to the tumor, and through the unrelenting prayers and support of the body of Christ. Our God is mighty! I am also an Occupational Therapy student at USC, and I have been so in awe reading about Casa Colina – it sounds like an amazing place! Thank you for sharing your story and I pray that you will continue to see and feel God’s power as you continue in your recovery!
Katherine – you are as beautiful as ever. Don’t you forget that. You are always in my prayers.
Katherine- Your father-in-law has been speaking at my Church’s Wednesday night series for several years & so I heard about your story through him. What an amazing testimony you have & such a Holy Beauty you are! Your story and faithfullness has been such an inspiration to me. Thank- you for being God’s instrument to share your incredible journey! Blessings to you and your sweet family.
In Him,
Charlotte Largen
You look fabulous Katherine. Glad you’re doing so well. Can’t believe it’s been a year since we’ve seen you! Hope ya’ll have a great holiday season.
What a great gift your husband gave you – and the pictures are beautiful in such a deep way. Your eyes are the window to your soul – and it speaks peace and depth. Thank you for sharing your life with us and this beautiful photo. I have been challenged by my own vanity when I read your posts and reminded of how important it is to focus on inner beauty instead of outer.
Thank you for sharing your life. Your self-confidence is still there, perhaps more than before. You underestimate your strength – please never forget how strong you are in our eyes.
Kim
once again am in awe of the wonder of God answering prayer…the nerve took I have been praying for that faithfully and for your eyes…
your picture is beautiful and it does say it all…the part of how far you have come…your soul…and God loving you so much it does show in your eyes!
merry christmas!
I have followed your journey for a long time, but never commented, but I just have to comment on this picture and tell you that you are absolutely stunning. You are such an inspiration and truthfully, that is a beautiful picture, you should not hesitate to post pictures of your “new” face – it is beautiful.
Katherine,
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have to say you are STILL striking!:) Even on the outside.:) I heard about your trip to Montgomery. Hope to see some news footage.:)
Katherine,
Though a different kind of hardship God revealed how weak a faith that I had. But through you He has shown a Faith that I can strive for.
You are still Very Beautiful on the outside but your true inner beauty is ASTOUNDING!!!!!!
You are His and he is spreading His message of Hope through you daily.
Psalm28:7 The Lord os my strength and my shield: my heart trust in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. (You are one of His songs, a very beautiful song)
Katherine,
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL! Thank you for sharing this. I think the most beautiful part of this picture (and your Christmas Card Picture) is that your not only gorgeous on the outside, but your beautiful soul shines and radiates through your eyes.
Dear friend…I miss you so much and I hope in time you see yourself as beautiful as God and all your supporters do!
You were and still are absolutely breathtakingly beautiful Kathrine!!! Just like before, it was not merely your outward appearance that radiated with beauty… but your heart, purpose, direction, peace, and love for others and life. That is all still there, lady! Thank you for sharing your inner AND outer current beauty. You continue to amaze and touch me through all of this!
[...] It has been insane. Check out the number of comments on katherinewolf.info from my posting, “Wearing Mascara Again” that was a few days after NieNie posted a link to me on her website. There were many many [...]
Katherine!
You are most definetely in my prayers! I have followed your blog since the link on nienie. Your journey and fight amazes me. I hope you find comfort in the knowledge that God has a greater plan for each and everyone one of us. Email me sometime if you get a second.. I’d love to get to know you better.
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