After recently being in Montgomery, I feel covered in prayer, literally. There were many, many groups who prayed for me while laying hands on me. From the First Baptist Youth Group to the Simmons Family at the Reunion (technically in Jackson, MS) to the group who meets once a week since my injury to pray for me (over 2 years later — amazing!), I felt held up by their words and their support.
I decided to post an updated list of prayer needs. This is the list that I shared with you in January, but I have gone through and edited, described, and revised various parts. I have also added and subtracted portions as needed.
I believe in the power of prayer! I don’t think I would be here without it. I’m certain I would not have recovered to this degree if it were not for all of you praying for me so faithfully. PRAYER IS WORKING! I am progressing beyond anything the doctors thought was possible.
This scripture is on my mom’s blog and is in the section dedicated to prayer requests. (Isn’t it so cool she has that?) I think it is appropriate to share with all of you …
(James 5:16, nlt)
My Walking: While I can walk across a room with a quad-base cane now (with Jay close by), I still cannot walk on my own or very far at all. I have been falling a good bit lately, and we are thinking that is a very good thing because my brain is getting ahead of my body. In other words, I think I can walk faster/further than my body will actually go. It is a sign of healing, but one that needs many prayers for my safety. My balance has been brutally affected by the stroke. (This is why I did not walk for a year and a half). My right leg has no coordination, and my body has learned to compensate by using my ab and my glute muscles to take steps. I want so badly to walk normally again. I am getting faster with the cane and speed is something the physical therapists thought would come in time and it is!
My Balance: That brings me to this one. I can now stand on my own, but I cannot do much in terms of movement without holding on to something or my cane. I cannot even carry a purse because it throws off my balance too badly. I could not begin to even step up on a scale to weigh myself or carry my own son or I would fall. Even getting out of a shower, Jay has to dry off my legs because I could not bend down to put the towel on them myself. Over 60% of my cerebellum was removed in my brain surgery, so I have no sense of balance at all.
My Hand: It has no fine motor coordination. I cannot do much of anything with it. I cannot write normally and that seems to be the hardest adjustment for me. Compared to many stroke patients who have a hand that curls up, I have a normal-looking hand and decent range of motion with it. The trouble is, I can’t really use it for normal things you would use your hand for, like grabbing things, writing/typing, even wheeling my wheelchair. You can imagine all the extreme difficulties associated with not being able to use one hand. I am right handed, and I have tried to switch to using my left hand. Unfortunately, I am incredibly ‘Right Hand Dominant’, so I am unable to switch very effectively. Carrying anything is impossible now and it is so maddening! Because the “good” hand has to be on the cane, I cannot use it for holding things. So, I have to use a carrying pouch I wrap around my neck or depending on size and the type of item, I have invented a system where I use my elbow and push the item up against my chest. They say ‘necessity is the mother of invention’ – I believe it!
My Eye Ball: After two surgeries, my right eye is still torqued sideways. I will have another surgery within the year to work on this. I have a wonderful doctor who is committed to fixing my eye. Dr. Velez told me that my most recent eye surgery was the most difficult of his career. Cool distinction!
My Vision: Speaking of my eye, I still have severe double vision. I have learned to concentrate on the figure that is the real image. Seeing double is annoying more than anything. Seeing two of everything can make you feel slightly insane and very disoriented. The vision in my right eye has been greatly impaired by the stroke, so it is actually easier to see the real image from the wrong one since one is blurrier than the other. The double vision is the main reason I cannot drive yet. Still, I am thankful that the vision in my right eye continues to improve – it was 20/400 and now it is 20/40! The big prayer is that my brain will take the two images and “fuse” a single image again.
My Cornea: When I was in ICU, I had a full-on corneal tear and they thought I would need a corneal transplant (due to my facial paralysis which impaired my eye lid closing and thus completely dried out my right eye). Now, I do not need that transplant and things seem to be improving everyday. As I have recently shared on here, I had another corneal issue, but it has healed from your prayers and the contact lens they put over it. Because of the facial paralysis, my eye does not close all the way and so it is susceptible to many issues especially severe dryness. Jay has been putting eye drops in my eye constantly to help keep it moist and lubricated throughout the day. Before bed, he puts in a thick lube to help seal my eye during the night.
My Energy Level: I have always been someone who has a ton of energy. I married someone with even more energy than me (I’m always trying to keep up with him!) Now, I drink a cup of coffee mid-afternoon to make it through the day without falling asleep. I am tired almost all the time now. I feel agitated in the afternoons and want to nap, but I cannot. It is a horrible feeling.
My Face: The entire right side of my face is paralyzed. I had an intense (13 hour) surgery to start the process of correcting the facial nerve that was cut during my brain surgery; however, we have a long road ahead of us. It appears that the transplanted nerve that was attached to the working, left side of my face ‘took’, so I will have another surgery to connect that nerve to the right side and restore my ability to smile and move my mouth. I may need an eye-lift, so that my eye lid will open fully. While I have never considered myself a very vain person, it has been a huge blow to my self-esteem to have half my face be paralyzed. I will have radical surgery on September 17th, where the doctors will take a muscle from my inner-thigh and implant it into my face (more about that under “my spirits”).
My Swallow: While it is functioning again and the feeding tube is out (Praise God!), there are still problems swallowing food and liquid. There are some foods I cannot eat at all (like steak, many breads, raw vegetables and some nuts), but there are also techniques I use to swallow all food, like washing down my foods with lots of liquid. I still cough a lot and sometimes I feel like I am choking. I have to be so careful when I do eat or drink, and it is no longer a carefree activity. It is tough to eat in public because I can no longer easily chew, swallow, and then talk.
My Endurance: I have greatly diminished stamina now. If I am even standing up in church, I have to sit down after several minutes from exhaustion. I frequently have to hold on to Jay when trying to stand up and have an increased heart rate when even walking slowly on a treadmill. It is as if all my oomph has been sucked right out of me. I feel like I am 95 in a 27 year old’s body.
My Spirits: Surprisingly, I am strangely hopeful about my continued recovery from this beast of an injury. Yes, there are moments of sadness, and it is dumb to pretend everything is OK. I no more want to be Suzie Sunshine than I want to be Debbie Downer. The truth is I’m somewhere in the middle. I have wonderful support, and I think that makes all the difference. I do get sad, but I do feel joy at each and every step towards restoration. I have a good bit of anxiety about my upcoming surgery. The hospital stay (4 days minimum), the recovery, the pain – all of it just makes me sad. I don’t want to have more surgery. Bottom line, I have to. So, please pray for me.
James: Thanks to wonderful grandparents, sweet aunts, an amazing Daddy and Thomas the Train, he is doing great and developing into a precious toddler! He is really starting to understand my condition (we think). He says all the time, “Mama got a bad booboo”. It is adorable. My mom thinks he will be ‘bilingual’ in a way, because he will grow up knowing what I am saying without having to see my face (like Jay can). We have to start potty training soon and if we ever mention it, he says, “no, I like my diaper”. Seriously. Pray for us…