Katherine Arnold Wolf Updates

Everything went very well with my Wisdom Teeth removal today. It only required Local Anesthesia because I only needed the top two removed. Localized Anesthesia is much better for me because of all my swallowing issues. I can go under fine, but it is a lot trickier with all my issues. To make a long story shorter, I had been having pain in my upper left jaw. I thought I had a cavity or something. Because my jaw is numb on the right side, I had no way of knowing that there was also (probably) pain there as well. Once I went to the Dentist yesterday, she recommended immediate removal.

Speaking of surgery, 2 months from today, August 12th, will be my biggest surgery to date. The Doctors will remove a part of my inner-thigh muscle and implant it into my face. I will be in the Hospital for at least 4 days after this surgery. Please mark your calendars and plan to pray for that day!

Unfortunately, I have to have my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow morning at 8am in Santa Monica. About the last thing I need right now is more surgery! (Today the dentist told me that I needed to get some X-Rays done, and I told her it was no biggie, I’d had a lot of those recently!) In all seriousness, as minor as this surgery will be compared to the many others I have had and will have, going under Anesthesia is always serious and I need prayer. Please pray tomorrow for me (and Jay who will be in the waiting room) and for cousin Michelle who will be here with James. Thank you.

I’ve decided that I like sharing what I’m grateful for so much that I’m going to share one every time I post something here. It’s very healthy in this state to practice public gratitude. Today, I’m going to share about my little James and why I am so grateful for him. This isn’t just a little blip about my gratitude towards God for giving me James, it’s an entire posting about it.

There are not many times I talk about my stroke when I can’t get the words out because the lump is too big in my throat. I can always, always talk. I’m an Arnold. It’s what we do. We talk. I am the original chatty Kathy! Speechlessness almost never happens to me. I guess some things are deeper than words can express.

Talking about baby James makes me choke up and then stop talking altogether. Specifically, when I recount the story of why my neuro-surgeon decided to do surgery even though I was probably just going to die, I always cry. “Because she is a mother” he was told and would then tell Jay after 16 hours of surgery on my brain. Ahhhh – I have tears right now of course! Quite literally, at 6 months old, James saved my life. He had no idea, but he was utilized in the decision-making that would determine my fate. One day he will understand that fact.

James is healthy and growing and precious. This picture was taken tonight and cracks me up. His faces are so funny. Where does he get all that animation from? We are delighted to report that he will attend St. Johns Presbyterian Preschool in the fall. He was accepted off the waiting list (getting into preschool in LA is like getting into an Ivy League University!!!) More than that exciting news, my heart was warmed a few Sundays ago at church when he said, “Church is fun!” We took him to Family Worship at church, and he danced to the kiddie praise songs. Now I know we have a long way to go, but this made me so happy. We are on the right track!

I want to teach James about God for so, so many reasons. Above all, I want to teach him about a God who saved him from a life without ever knowing his mommy– a God who has given me the gift of watching him grow up.

(These are his Chunky Monkey Pajamas because he is the cutest little Chunky Monkey I know…)

I can’t believe it has been two weeks since I have written anything on here!  It is my longest time not writing since I started back in 2008.  I think that is a really good sign.  It means I’ve been too busy.  It means I’m getting back to normal life and just don’t have the time.  It means I’m healing. If you have noticed, Charlie is helping me to add all the elements from CaringBridge to this website.  So, if you click on the upper right side, you can read the background story, get all the resource links, see pictures etc.  We are adding an “About Me” under there as well.   I wanted to put it in a posting so each of you could read what I have been recently writing.  I think we all have a deep desire to be known.  I want to feel that way.  I just hate that so many of you are people I do not know or don’t really know me at all!  It makes this all feel out of context and I hate that.  Sharing this is a way for you to know me a little bit better. So, here it goes…

About Me:

Hmmm….. how disclosive should I be?

I’m an open book.  I share too much and always regret it later.  I guess I’ve never had a very good filter.  I like the “let it all hang out” mentality.  I’m learning the value of the “let it almost all hang out” thing.   I think transparency can be very healing.  I’m authentic (or at least that’s what I like to think).  In growing in maturity and wisdom, I see being very open as a mixed blessing.  I’m learning to keep some things private and stop giving out TMI all the time.  I love the catharsis that happens, but I don’t need everyone to know all my business!

I am a Christian.  My faith doesn’t just inform what I do, it is who I am.  I believe in Jesus Christ, not just a generic God.  If I had any doubt that He is real (which I don’t), I would just need look back at the miracle He performed in my own life one April day in 2008.  Medical science says I should be dead.  I’m not. Medical Science says I could not recover from this. I am.

I love my husband deeply.  I loved him before this happened.  He is an incredible man.  He has “risen to the occasion” beyond anything I could have ever imagined.      He takes impeccable care of me and goes to war with anyone he needs to on my behalf (namely the insurance company).  He is, as his father has famously said, a combination of Romeo, Hercules, and Jesus to me.   I would add Solomon because of his great wisdom.  While not perfect, he has dealt with this tragedy in a way that should inspire married people everywhere when their times get tough.

I am a mother.  I have a 2 year old son named James.  He has survived this with us.  He was 6 months old when the AVM ruptured.  He is hilarious and extremely active.  He is absolutely adorable and I can say that because he looks nothing like me!  (He looks like a mini, lighter-haired version of my husband).

My Injury does not Define me. In fact, I define my injury.  I keep pestering my Doctors and Therapists for timelines and they can’t give them to me. They simply do not know.  Science says I should not be here, so I don’t totally care what any prognosis would tell me anyway.  (But I would still love to know!)

I love a reason to celebrate.  I think festivities are so much fun, and I love to party hard!  Of course, I don’t mean get drunk and be stupid; I mean truly celebrate the beauty that is all around me and the gift so graciously given to us from the Lord.  It’s not the scale or expense of the celebration that matters, but the condition of your heart—elevating the most ordinary little moments to a celebration is often the most meaningful.  But if the time is right, a full-on fireworks exploding shindig is pretty great too!  As cheesy as it may sound, never wait to celebrate. Tomorrow may not come for you.  It almost didn’t for me.  Celebrate what you have and where you are TODAY!

Much has been lost physically with me, but everything that matters is fully intact. Half of my cerebellum was removed and I have no sense of balance.  I have to walk with a cane or ride in a wheelchair.  My right facial nerve was cut and my face is partially paralyzed.  I have no fine motor control in my right hand, so I can’t really use it for much.  I am deaf in one ear.  I have severe double vision.  That’s only the beginning of a list of things that are wrong with my body.  However, there are literally millimeters separating the part of my brain that could have been affected by my stroke and the part that was.  Had the AVM hit another area, I could have lost my memory, my ability to process information, my ability to reason, my faith, or my personality – all the things that make me who I am.  My cognition is fully intact.  It’s all that matters anyway. 

I’m a Big Believer in listening well, generosity, loyalty, manners, follow through, commitment within marriage, gratitude, just showing up, blooming where you’re planted, optimism, preventing is better than treating, keepin’ the Faith, and learning to say “no” more often.  (If any of these things seem incongruent to what you know of me, I said I am a big BELIEVER in these things.  I don’t always do them, but I’m trying).

I have a great family.  Jay and I have 5 sisters between us.  All 6 of us girls have unique personalities and we appreciate each other for those differences.  I have a sister who is 23 months younger than me and is truly my polar opposite.  We could not be more different if we tried.  Strangely, I get a huge kick out of her and think she is quite possibly the funniest person on the planet.  Jay and I have been blessed with the most fun, loving, and supportive families ever.  I love the Arnolds and the Wolfs!  Where would we be without them?!

I love food…especially sweets.  I am really passionate about anything that contains sugar.  I had a feeding tube for almost a year, and once I could swallow again, I had a large bowl that sat above my refrigerator called the Chocolate Bowl.  It was filled with any and all candy (especially chocolate) that I collected in my almost daily trips to Heaven (I mean the grocery store).

I am an optimist.  Arguably, this would not be survivable without a good attitude.  I have been called ‘Pollyanna’ my whole life.  The glass is ALWAYS half full no matter how much life threatens to pour it out.

I’ve Got A Lot of Problems. Just because I had a severe stroke doesn’t mean all the issues I had before that are gone.  I am in dysfunctional relationships.  I say things I don’t mean and I hurt people I love.  I’m a crybaby.   I’m impatient.  I’m too dramatic.  I can be mean to the people I love most in the world.  I have no desire to be made into a hero by what has happened to me.   It is all God’s grace that I have been able to respond the way I have to intense suffering.  He should get all the glory, not me. 

I’m an old lady in a 28 year-old’s body.  I’ve been called “mature for my age” or “an old soul” most of my life.  I’ve always done things really early.  For instance:

• I talked in complete paragraphs before I was 2 years old
• I grappled with good versus evil before I could walk.  I cried while watching Dumbo and asked my mom why there was evil in the world when they locked up Dumbo’s mother
• I was the height I am now (5’9 and 1/2) when I was 12 years old (it made for some really awkward middle school dances)
• I had a baby at age 8.  Well, not really.  When my mom had my baby sister, I instantly became her 2^nd mother.   I’ve never stopped mothering those around me.  It’s kind of a problem.
• I got married when I was 22.  (Basically a child bride by today’s standards)
• I had a baby at 25. (I could be a Lifetime special on “Babies Having Babies”, I know)
• I almost died at 26.  (even the cause of my stroke was an AVM in my brain that had been there since I was in-utero)

I am not a writer.  This entire website came about out of need.  As it turns out, I have a lot to say and there are a lot of people reading this.  Many of those readers are strangers, which is very cool.   I have enjoyed writing my whole life.  It runs in my family (read my mother’s amazing blog) and I have been awarded for it (let’s be honest though, I won the AP English Award at Honor’s Day in High School because my mother heavily revised all my papers), but I never thought I would “blog” about my life.  I kinda like it.  See above, it’s very disclosive and I like that.

I am a Southerner to the core.  I was born and raised in Athens, GA, spent a month each summer at Camp Desoto on top of Lookout Mountain (in GA/TN/AL), went to college in Birmingham, AL, and married a guy from Montgomery, AL.  I love the culture of the South – the familial attitude, the kindness towards strangers, the formality of people, the pace of life, but what I really love is the food!  I love sweet Tea, biscuits, casseroles, and anything fried.  If you have never been to the Smith House in Dahlonega, GA, you really need to go.  From the hospitality and charm to the Southern drawls and respect for tradition, the South will always have my heart.  I am a Southern belle and always will be.

I hate clothes! Don’t get me wrong, I love to look nice; I just don’t like the process to get the good-looking clothes. Pretty funny I turned out to be a model (the money was just too good!)  I detest shopping for clothes, trying them on and I hate accessorizing.  Both my mother and my grandmother love clothes and have great taste in clothing, so I think this was my rebellion.  I never went through some crazy, wild period in my youth, so this is my revolution to my upbringing.

I love hospitality.  I think something Holy happens when you bring people into your home and you have good conversation, fellowship, and share a meal with them.  People should do it more often.  Stop worrying about how your house looks, and be grateful you have one (many don’t).  Love on the people in your life by entertaining them.  On top of that, I love anything in the realm of hospitality/refinery; I adore good stationery and writing letters—though my handwriting’s not what it used to be—using the “good china” (it’s not doing anyone any good getting dusty up in the cabinet), listening to great music, enjoying beautiful fresh flowers, and I love a hot cup of French-pressed coffee (Delish)!

I am old-fashioned.  I like a person to hold the door open for me and stand up when I approach their table (my Dad does this and he is a consummate gentleman).  I would never call someone after 9pm.  I think people who don’t write thank-you notes are rude.  Talking about money too much makes me uncomfortable.  I think you should follow through even when it’s not easy (ie: go to church even when you don’t feel like it, show up when you promised to even if it’s not convenient, RSVP when you receive an invitation, DON’T be flaky, etc).  I like things done the right way.  I like good manners, propriety, and decorum. 

I’m fiercely independent. I have made my own money since I was 18 years old, but I have never (and hopefully will never) have a 9 to 5 office job.   I am creative and productive and love using those aspects of my personality in whatever I’m doing.  I have a strong work ethic, but I like to think outside the box.  I’m always trying to marry those things.

I am Self-Deprecating.  People take themselves way too seriously.  We all have weird quirks – laugh about them!  More than ever, I am grateful for a good sense of humor.  You just gotta make lemonade.  That’s what this website is: making some tasty lemonade out of some really rotten lemons! Enjoy!

P.S. I will write an update on me soon.  Big news: She-Ra here did 2.0 on the treadmill!

A sweet friend of ours is a musician and is in a band called “Theft”. They wrote a song entitled “Fireworks Explode” that is inspired by what happened to me (it’s a really good song). Ironically, the song was used in the MTV show, “True Life: I Had a Traumatic Brain Injury” that aired last week (the entire score of the episode was also done by our friend). Here is the YouTube link where Matt (my friend) talks about me being the inspiration for the song.

I watched the episode, and I must confess, it was very hard to watch. Something stuck with me and hasn’t left. One person on the show said that the Doctors had told them that what you have at 2 years is what you are going to get. “But wait” I thought, “I’m at the 2 year mark now”. “Is this gonna be as good as it gets for me?” No way. The Doctors said the same thing at the 6th month mark. Proved them all wrong there too. While I may never (or at least for a very long time – God’s timeline is not always the same as mine) go on a walking tour of Europe anytime soon, I fully intend to do plenty of things on the long “not a possibility” list. I don’t really care what science says is possible or what any human thinks about my future abilities.

Yes, I am tough. I am a fighter. I learned that in a little way when I decided to have natural childbirth six months before the AVM rupture. As a committed Christian, I believe the combination of an incredibly positive attitude and the power of God’s miraculous intervention can get you through anything. ANYTHING.
Speaking of natural childbirth, I am very aware that it is a controversial issue in many ways so I will tread lightly. Suffice it to say, I loved it and would recommend it to anyone! It was so nice to not be numb after birth, and fully enjoy little James without any medication in his or my system. I also wanted my labor to be much faster, and going natural was a way to keep it as short as possible!

Natural delivery is very In Vogue right now in LA. It probably will be in the South in 3 years or so. I would say about 90% of my friends wanted/planned to do a natural birth, but far less than that were actually able to. Many couples took the Bradley class or another natural Lamaze-type course. Strangely, we did not take any such classes, but I wish I would have had some sort of in-home class (like a DVD) to do. Now there is one! … The Sizemore Family in Kentucky has made one! Jay’s sister, Sarah, married Jeremiah Sizemore so I am sitting front row as this cool venture unfolds. This DVD is not just natural, it is all about childbirth and lives up to it’s name –Get Ready for Birth! It gets you ready while teaching you what you would learn in a class, without ever leaving your home.

Donna Sizemore, Jeremiah’s mom, is a Registered Nurse who has spent almost 30 years studying the dynamics of having babies, while working in and out of a hospital setting with expectant parents. Once her 4th (and final) child left house last year (to go to Samford!!!), she and her family decided to make a DVD out of her weekly childbirth class and see if they could turn it into a little business. The DVD covers all the basics of a typical hospital birth, but it also has an entire section dedicated to natural childbirth (Donna delivered all 4 of her children naturally).

Though Donna continues to teach Childbirth classes and work as a nurse in a local clinic, the DVD is now available for expectant moms who may not have the time or opportunity to attend a weekly class (or a desire to do that!). It is also a great option for moms considering unmedicated childbirth. Donna also hopes to share the DVD with expatriate and missionary families for whom a class is just not an option. – SO cool! The Sizemores are wonderful people and I am blessed to be related to them.

The DVD is just under 2 hours with teaching about pregnancy, the birthing process, and all the related health issues, a section on natural childbirth an interview with a couple who just had a baby, and about 20 minutes of exercises, breathing, and positions that help the whole process. Normal classes typically range from $125-200, but that varies a lot with your location/hospital/doctor. You should save at least $100 with the DVD, plus a lot of time and effort, not to mention gas money!

Go to www.getreadyforbirth.com to order it. They also write a blog that you can get to easily from the website.

Thanks for always reading and supporting whatever I care about. It is really special.

Dear Family and Friends,

We wanted to give you a quick update after Katherine had two doctors’ appointments this past Wednesday. While some of the news was a little hard to hear, we have taken it in stride as there was also some good news long term. There have been no shortcuts in this entire ordeal, and we do not expect them anymore. The quick version—if you don’t want to read the rest of the technical stuff—is that Katherine will likely need several more surgeries (probably at least 3) to restore her right facial movements and to restore singular vision.

Meeting with Katherine’s plastic/reconstructive surgeon showed that last year’s CROSS-FACIAL NERVE SURGERY was successful in that the nerve transplanted from her leg into the working, left facial nerve is alive and ready to work like an extension cord to power up the right side of her face. The 7/12 SPLIT SURGERY was also successful in re-innervating the right side of Katherine’s face, giving her more muscle tone; however, she has not had any real muscle function return on the right side. As a result, the 2nd phase of the cross-facial nerve surgery, which seeks to create mouth and cheek movement on the right side, will require a more invasive procedure than we had hoped. It will involve removing a small portion of her inner thigh and transplanting that into her right cheek, then attaching the transplanted “extension cord” nerve to that muscle. After about 3 months, that new muscle should start creating the smile movement for the right side of her face. This is actually the normal 2nd phase of the cross-facial nerve surgery, but we were hoping that she might not have to undergo the thigh muscle transplant and rather they could just hook the “extension cord” into her existing, right-side facial muscles. Nonetheless, the outcome of the surgery should be worth going through this whole process. Ultimately, this version of the surgery will require about 4 days in the hospital and possibly even a follow-up surgery to shave down any unevenness in the right side of the face. We know of a young guy who had this same set of surgeries, and he was very pleased with the result. This surgery will likely happen in mid-August.

Next, we met with Katherine’s eye surgeon to follow up on her most recent STRABISMUS EYE SURGERY. He awarded Katherine with the dubious distinction of being the most difficult and lengthy muscle surgery of his career! A month after this most recent eye surgery, he was very pleased with the alignment of her eyes. The right eye had originally been turned in, down, and torqued sideways. At this point, after 2 eye surgeries, the right eye is almost completely aligned horizontally and vertically to the left eye, and the degree of torsion went from 20 degrees off to only 10 degrees off. Unfortunately, the brain has a very hard time creating single vision when an eye is torqued 10 degrees or more from normal. The slightly bad news is that likely a 3rd eye surgery will be needed to further correct the issue of torsion. The good news is that hopefully, a 3rd surgery will help correct the double vision. As Katherine and I discussed, though a 3rd eye surgery is annoying, the resulting singular vision is definitely worth it. The doctor also did a 3D glasses test, which seemed to indicate that Katherine’s brain can fuse two images into one (which was not a guarantee considering the location of her brain injury).

The facial paralysis also affected Katherine’s right eyelids, creating a weakness or “tosis”, causing them to hang lower than her left eyelids. This not only creates an imbalanced appearance, despite her actual eyeballs being in alignment now, but inhibits her right eye’s vision. To remedy this, we will be consulting with an ocular plastic surgeon, also at UCLA’s Jules Stein Eye Institute, to perform an eyelid lifting procedure on her right eyelids. We are so thankful to live in a time and place where such extraordinary medical techniques are available to provide healing in Katherine’s life.

Side note, you may have already heard, but insurance denied Katherine home therapy, and we are still currently in the appeals process. There may be some other options even if they deny her in this appeal, but please pray for approval soon. She’s been out of formal rehab for around 6 months now, though we’ve gotten in a good schedule of working out together at our nearby gym doing therapy routines that Katherine has learned over the past few years (lots of our own treadmill, weights, and pool therapies). Also, we are considering just paying for rehab out of pocket, but it is extremely expensive and not sustainable over a long period of time. God always provides, and we know this situation is no exception.

As I’m sure you can imagine, we are growing weary of all of these circumstances—the surgeries, the rehab, the insurance issues, not to mention the physical problems and inability to do so many things, BUT we know that God is at work here. We ask you to join us and pray for all the needs in this situation. After two years, it is hard to know how much longer we will be on this terrible road, but we truly feel like God calls this season in our lives to be lived one day at a time, focusing on His protection and provision for the day. That being said, I feel one of the most wonderful gifts in life is the perspective that we can gain as time passes, to be able to look back on our past defeats and frustrations and see how God had orchestrated those circumstances for our strengthening, healing, and ultimately for His good. Truly from depths of the grave have we all been delivered, though Katherine more literally than most, and today, she stands miles away from the ICU bed she laid in 2 years ago. We are humbled and amazed at God’s grace in her continued healing, and I am so proud of the depth of Katherine’s spirit in resolving to do all in her power to persevere and grow and glorify the Lord in this process.

We believe Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us”. Thank you for believing that with us.

- Jay III

Here is the audio version (about 45 minutes long) of Jay and I speaking at Bel-Air Presbyterian on April 18th.

What was so compelling about us speaking is what I said in the beginning: we are doing this now, BEFORE I am fully restored. I can’t do so many things just yet, so choosing to speak is particularly meaningful. I think you will agree.